Juliet O'Hara quotes from Psych

Juliet

"Aries: Calcium is especially important to you right now, Mr.Salt-and-Pepper-Hair-with-a-Maroon-Car. There may also be a promotion in your future. Try walking backwards through doorways for good luck."

Juliet

We're just trying to figure out what we're dealing with here. Two men are dead and tonight's another full moon. [look of disbelief] I can't believe I just said that.

Juliet

Ok, you guys are actually devolving.

Shawn

Here, let me read your palm.

Juliet

How about just one finger?

Juliet

You're not hired. I can't pay you. If it turns out there's something to it, I'll make sure you get put on the case. That's all I can do.

Shawn

Juliet, I'm quite sure we could work out some kind of services exchange. You see I like to do some sketching myself and sometimes I need a model.

Juliet

Huh! [gets up and walks from the room]

Shawn

Was that inappropriate? ...Felt ok.

Juliet

I don't ask questions I don't want to know the answers to.

Shawn

Then never ask your boyfriend if he thinks your sister's hot.

Juliet

I don't have a sister.

Shawn

How about a boyfriend?

Shawn

You OK?

Lassiter

Alright, I'll bite. What's the joke?

Shawn

Just want to make sure you got home alright last night.

Lassiter

From what?

Shawn

From the bar.

Lassiter

What bar?

Juliet

You were at a bar?

Lassiter

No, I wasn't at a bar! I don't drink.

Juliet

You don't drink?

Lassiter

Well, a bit of wine at weddings. An occasional snifter of brandy. Maybe a good single-malt scotch.

Gus

Sounds like drinking to me.

Lassiter

Spencer, why don't you stop making up stories, OK, that are obviously bogus?

Shawn

OK, so you were not at Tom Blair's Pub last night?

Lassiter

I don't even know who Tom Blair is.

Shawn

Mmmhmm. And how'd you get that sweet, uh, bruise on your forehead?

Lassiter

I had an altercation.

Shawn

Yes. With a table.

This is a speed dating first! [to Shawn and Juliet] You and you are a 100 percent match from your personality questionnaires. I smell love!

Juliet

I need a drink.

Shawn

I gotta pee.

Juliet

I had no idea you were so serious about bowling.

Shawn

Quite serious, quite serious. Matter of fact, LEGO wants to sponsor me this year.

Juliet

Oh my, that's great.

Shawn

They also want me to wear shoes made out of LEGOs, so I'm torn.

Juliet

Well, I did go to cheerleader camp for two weeks. I got kicked out.

Gus

Kicked out?

Juliet

Yeah, it's a long story. Suffice to say I don't like liars who steal nail polish and then pass out when you slap them a little bit on the back of the head.

Juliet

Detective Lassiter is literally on fire.

Shawn

Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial fire, or misusing the word "literally" fire?

Shawn

Is she still mad about me requisitioning the segway

Juliet

You did that?

Shawn

No....

Juliet

Shawn, how do you know this?

Shawn

The same way that I know that as a child Lassie wanted nothing more than a pony.

Lassiter

Oh, come on. Who didn't?

Gus

Anyone who wasn't an 8 year-old girl.

Shawn

The Christmas spirits told me to give this to you.

Buzz

Oh my goodness, a Daisy Red Ryder! I had one of these when I was a kid. It was the reason I wanted to become a policeman.

Shawn

Well, Merry Christmas, from me and Gus.

Buzz

Thanks, guys.

Gus

He's gonna shoot his eye out.

Shawn

Yes he is.

Gus

That was amazing. How did you know that?

Shawn

Uh, the room where I take naps shares a vent with the room where they do the psychological evals. Lassie!

Lassiter

I-I hate snow globes.

Shawn

Well, that's strange. My psychic senses told me specifically that snow globes didn't give you nightmares about being trapped in a clear ball with snow that burns your skin off. Merry Christmas from me and Gus! [turns to Juliet] Mr. Mittens says it felt just like going to sleep and he doesn't hold it against you at all. Kitty heaven? It's just like East Beach.

Juliet

That is the best news ever.

Gus

Merry Christmas, from both Shawn and--

Shawn

Whoa, whoa, this is a very special gift that's clearly just from me. Don't appropriate. Not at Christmastime.

Lassiter

Alright! Who keeps telling people I want snow globes for Christmas?!

Shawn

Queen Nerfertitty.

Juliet

Nefertiti.

Shawn

I've heard it both ways.