Leslie Knope quotes from Parks and Recreation

Leslie

Alright Donna there's gonna have to be some cut-backs. I mean your job is secure of course. You're basically the glue of this department. But I think Craig's gonna have to go.

Donna

No you should keep him. He's crazy intense but I've never met anyone who cares more about this job.

Leslie

Huh Donna. I'm right here.

Donna

No joke. He might care more than you. Honestly if I had to choose between him and me, I'd choose him.

Leslie

What are you saying, are you thinking about leaving!?

Donna

I wasn't planning on it but I could. You know I got the condo in Seattle, the fiance in Denver...

Leslie

Huh!?

Donna

It won't last.

Ann

Okay we need to talk!

Leslie

I'm sorry Ann I can't understand you. You've developed some accent from that new town you might move to!

Ron

Why are you doing this?

Leslie

What's the big deal? I'm just trying to stop time with legally binding friendship contracts! What part of that do you not understand!?

Ron

You have lost your mind.

April

[still talking like Tynnyfer] I think you need a spa day Les.

Leslie

Fine! You only have to work here until I'm dead! Is that better!?

Leslie

So what's your story new Ann? You're kinda pretty. I mean you're not "Ann pretty" but you have potential.

...Thank you but I don't work in this department-

Leslie

Shut your kinda pretty mouth and eat a mustard cookie.

Leslie

Okay so let's chit chat huh? Let's get to know each other and then become familiar best friends.

Craig

I don't have time for this. I'm halfway through designing a bamboo gazebo as a tribute to the founders of Motown!

Leslie

Haha! That's so Craig! Oh Craig we have fun don't we? Do you guys remember when this all started? I came here with the cookies and then Craig said something so Craig and we all laughed and we were like "Craig!" ...Do you...do you think it would be weird if we held hands? Probably.

Ron

This way please.

Leslie

Excuse me Ron, I am talking to my best friends! Let me go! Best friends attack Ron!

Ron

Okay. Enough is enough. What is wrong with you woman!?

Leslie

I don't have to explain myself to you! I am the Czar! I can do as I please. Those who cross the Czar, feel the wrath of the Czar!

Ron

...

Leslie

Ann is thinking about leaving Pawnee. Moving. With Chris.

Ron

Well that's nice.

Leslie

Nice, Ron!? Edible arrangements are nice. This is volcanically hot betrayal!

Leslie

We all know that I can not spend as much money on ads as my opponent but, I printed out 10,000 "Don't" stickers and 10,000 question mark stickers. That way, if you see a sign that says "Recall Knope," all you need to do is add the question mark and the "Don't" and suddenly it reads "Recall Knope? Don't."

Donna

Why don't you just put the "Don't" in front of "Recall Knope?"

Leslie

...Yeah that's a much better idea.

April

Can I have these question mark stickers?

Leslie

Why?

April

I wanna put them on stop signs! [runs out]

Leslie

April no!

Leslie

That's what you really think of me? You think I'm annoying?

Donna

Leslie, sometimes you're kind of annoying. I mean I thought that was your thing.

Leslie

My thing?! My thing is not being annoying! My things are making friendship bracelets and dancing like nobody's watching and thinking up really cool nicknames for my friends. You of all people should know that El Diablo!

Donna

Look the only reason I'm even on twitter is to blow off steam about work and tweet nasty stuff to dudes with washboard abs.

Leslie

I have a question for you. Do you think I'm annoying?

Chris

No.

Leslie

Are you lying?

Chris

No.

Leslie

Are you trying to protect my feelings?

Chris

No.

Leslie

Do you think I'm being annoying right now?

Chris

Yes.

Leslie

So you do think I'm annoying!

Chris

I think you ask a lot of the people that you work with. And I think that people do what you ask because they love you. But, I also think that driving people as hard as you do can ruffle some feathers. I think a lot of things. I like cooking. And racquetball!

Leslie

Now who's annoying?

Chris

I spent the last hour reading some of Donna's old tweets. And turns out there's some more things that she said about you: "Message to the recall haters-You can't keep Leslie Knope down. She's too real for this ish. #BossBitch."

Leslie

"Leslie Knope is stepping up at these hearings and taking a bullet for me. #SisterFromAnotherMister #BossBitch."

Chris

It appears whereas "BitchBoss" is clearly an indication of her frustration, "BossBitch" is a term of endearment! Isn't language fun? It's like racquetball, for your mouth.

Leslie

I'm sorry if I can be a little annoying at times. But one person's annoying is another person's inspiring and heroic. So you know who are we to judge?

Donna

And I'm sorry for writing those things. Some of those things.

Leslie

I can't promise that I won't be...inspiring and heroic in the future.

Donna

And I can't promise that I won't complain about it.

Leslie

Deal.

Leslie

I got you an apology present.

Donna

Oh?

Leslie

It's all of your favorite lipsticks and nail polishes and I got the same ones too. I printed out a schedule so we can wear them at the same time. Now I would like you to open each one in front of me and tell me how you feel about them individually.

Donna

Let me take a picture.

Leslie

Are you tweeting this?

Donna

Mmmhmm.

Leslie

What's the hashtag gonna be? "BossBitch" or "BitchBoss?"

Donna

Yeah it's "PsychoBoss."

Leslie

Well, I don't hate that.

Leslie

On my side, I have facts, science, and reason. All he has is fearmongering. Oh my God, he's gonna win.

Ben

Yeah, people get jittery about stuff like this. Remember last year when no one would get flu shots because there was a rumor they turned you European?

Leslie

I cannot wait to hear your Travolta.

Uh no no no, I'm Sandra Dee. That's more in my register. You're Zuko.

Chris

[To karaoke bar worker] I would like to buy five DVDs of this! No twenty! No Sixty! No that's insane. Twenty!

You know in some weird, perverted, sexual way I'm gonna miss you when you're gone.

Leslie

Oh...

You are my nemesis. You're the Superman to my Lex Luthor.

Leslie

You want to be Lex Luthor?

Uhh yeah! Lex Luthor is rich.

Leslie

Well okay. I can't argue with that.

Leslie

Ann Arbor!? Sounds disgusting!

Chris

She already has family there and I have a new job lined up at the University of Michigan. Go Blue!

Leslie

...

Chris

It's a good town and it's a great place to raise a family.

Leslie

What is great about it!? There's no JJ's Diner there! There's no "Welcome to Pawnee" sign! I mean the stupid state is split up into two pieces! It's ridiculous!

Unexpected play here Superman. Not entirely sure what you're going for but I dig your gambit.

Leslie

There is no gambit here Jamm. And who sides with Lex Luthor by the way!? You probably watch Million Dollar Baby and root for the stool.

I haven't seen it. Not a big Morgan Freeman guy. I find his voice very grating.

Leslie

I am leaving now. I'm not moving I'm just going home.