Leon Vance quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

Rule number nine.

Vance

How did you get that by security?

Gibbs

Never go anywhere without a knife.

Gibbs

How are you holding up Leon?

Vance

How do you think? On a strict diet of paperwork and painkillers.

Tony

I feel bad for any guy who ever dates your daughter.

Vance

Me too.

Tony

[reading from the boy's juve file] "Daddy and me had three violent altercations over the past two years. Cops had to break it up. Yelling, screaming." [looks at Vance] Sounds like one of Ziva's family reunions.

Vance

Good morning, Mr. Secretary.

Like hell it is, Leon. This better be damn important!

Gibbs

Agent's dead. Another critical. I don't know how much more important it can get.

Director Vance, I'm authorizing Agent DiNozzo access to sensitive compartmental information commensurate with a black op. None of your other team members need to know, is that clear?

Vance

Actually Clay, I'm a little concerned.

So an agent is selling top secret information. And they'll need to be dealt with appropriately.

Vance

Mr. Secretary, I'd like to discuss this first.

There's nothing else to talk about... If you are uncomfortable with this, Agent DiNozzo and I can do it without you. [Sec Nav hands DiNozzo a file] Take a look. That's who you're handling. Do whatever it takes. Any questions?

McGee

Tony, don't take this the wrong way but you smell like the hot cheerleader in my high school homeroom.

Borin

That White Diamond DiNozzo?

Tony

Farid spilled his laundry detergent all over the place. I got some on my pants...

McGee

Let me call Abby and see if she's got something to remove that.

Vance

Special Agents Borin and DiNozzo, please stop doing whatever it is you're doing.

Tony

We were just..er..reexamining the very special bond between the Navy and the Coast Guard, sir.

Vance

Mrs. Sterling, I'm Director Vance. Rest assured my agents are doing everything possible to find your husband.

Diane

Thank you. Just make sure they keep me informed, too. [indicating McGee] Wasn't any fun trying to pry information out of Macaulay Culkin here.

Leon Vance

Agent Gibbs, I'd like you to meet...

Gibbs

[to Wendy] Still working for the Evening Tribune?

The Globe.

Vance

You two know each other...? Oh, please tell me that you weren't married.

Gibbs

No, but we go back.

Vance

Good, that should make things easier. Or worse.

Vance

I got a call from SECNAV.

Gibbs

Oh great.

Vance

No it wasn't.

Gibbs

Did somebody steal those golf bags?

Vance

You know, I envy you Gibbs. You don't have to put up with the politics. When I get the boot or drop dead in this chair, don't take the job.

Gibbs

[chuckles] I hear ya. Loud and clear.

Gibbs

Dorneget! [Dorneget turns and looks at him in shock, Gibbs motions him over] Come here. Gear up. You're going with McGee.

Gear up? [Gibbs looks at him] For a field assignment?

Gibbs

I think you're ready.

But I need to be back at the evidence locker.

Gibbs

I'll handle it.

Vance

You all right, Dorneget?

Yes sir. [run to the elevator]

Gibbs

Leon?

Vance

She's dead. My wife is dead, Gibbs.

Vance

Why are you highlighting those old manuals?

I'm preparing for my GS-11 exam.

Vance

We haven't given that test in over twenty years.

I heard you were reinstating it.

Vance

From whom?

[realizes he's been pranked] Agent DiNozzo.

Vance

Dorneget, you're being probied.

Yeah but Ziva confirmed!

Abby

That's because he did the same thing to her and she studied for three months.

Vance

After what happened to SECNAV, I'm tempted to ground you.

Gibbs

After what happened to SECNAV, how can I stay?

Gibbs

[to Vance] You want anything from the Tehran gift shop?

Tony

Sir, instead of wasting time what if I just hang around here, as a visitor doing purely visiting things. [holds his "visitor" ID]

Vance

[smiles] We could use the company.