Dorneget quotes from NCIS

Tony

Listen, I just need two minutes with my dad, okay?

[through a mouthful of cake] Uh-uh, no way! Special Agent Gibbs told me not to let anyone in, especially you. You didn't think you could buy me off with a piece of cake, did you?

Tony

No! Gibbs will never find out, how's he gonna find out?

I'd have to tell him.

Tony

Well, then I guess I'd have to tell him about your little antics at the Halloween party last month with Susan Grady from Polygraph, down in the copy room, huh? She was dressed as a nun, and you were dressed as... Leroy Jethro Gibbs, with the little silver wig.

Nobody knew about that.

Tony

I know. De Niro, DiNozzo. "I'm watching."

Gibbs

Dorneget, take Mr. DiNozzo down to the break room, get him something to eat.

Yes, sir.

Gibbs

[deadpan]] If he gives you any trouble, shoot him.

He's joking... I think.

Can I ask you guys a question? How do I get on Gibbs' good side? I would kill to be on his team.

Abby

Well, Tim would know.

McGee

Gibbs likes agents who are one step ahead, who anticipates what he wants one step ahead.

Thanks McGee.

Abby

[waves and smiles] Bye Dorney!

Gibbs

Dorneget! [Dorneget turns and looks at him in shock, Gibbs motions him over] Come here. Gear up. You're going with McGee.

Gear up? [Gibbs looks at him] For a field assignment?

Gibbs

I think you're ready.

But I need to be back at the evidence locker.

Gibbs

I'll handle it.

Vance

You all right, Dorneget?

Yes sir. [run to the elevator]

McGee

[flashes badge and ID] Special Agent Timothy McGee, NCIS.

[flashes badge and ID] Special Agent Ned Dorneget.

You two are NCIS agents?

McGee

Yeah.

Yes, sir.

[in disbelief] You kidding me? I applied to NCIS twice, got shot down both times.

Tony

Playing? Instead of studying?

Studying?

Tony

Yeah Dorneget. For your GS-11 exam?

What is that? [looks at everyone blankly]

McGee

It's a test that probies used to have to take to become agents. It hasn't been given in years. Gibbs is the last agent I know that took it.

Tony

Ah ah ah. The word is that Director Vance is reinstating that test.

You're messing with me.

Ziva

No he is not. I heard the same thing from Hollander in HR. I'm glad I did not have to take it.

Tony

Whew it's tough. [Ziva secretly smiles] Comprehensive, covers all the rules. Brigs, procedures, it's all in the manuals which you're gonna have to learn by heart. Here comes Vance. You can ask him yourself.

McGee

Listen, don't let him "probie" you.

What?

McGee

I've been there, Dorney. Tony's gonna pull rank.

I can handle him.

McGee

Watch your back Dorney. [gives him an ominous look]

Tony

Dorneget, you're supposed to beat the senior field agent to work.

I'm so sorry but the front desk called me at like 3am.

Tony

Why?

They said I ordered a wake-up call. Can you believe that? It took me forever to get back to sleep and I guess I slept in. I'm sorry Agent DiNozzo. I promise it won't happen again.

Tony

It's Tony when we're on stake out. The idea is we're supposed to blend in.

Right.

Tony

[deadpan] Speaking of which, what in the name of Brooks Brothers are you wearing? You look like exactly what you are. A pubescent federal agent. [Dorneget fidgets, looking extremely uncomfortable]

Ziva

How is Dorneget doing?

Tony

[smiles] He is an easier mark than McGee. I pulled the old 3am wake-up on him.

McGee

Of course you did.

Ziva

[laughs] Give him a break Tony!

Vance

Why are you highlighting those old manuals?

I'm preparing for my GS-11 exam.

Vance

We haven't given that test in over twenty years.

I heard you were reinstating it.

Vance

From whom?

[realizes he's been pranked] Agent DiNozzo.

Vance

Dorneget, you're being probied.

Yeah but Ziva confirmed!

Abby

That's because he did the same thing to her and she studied for three months.