[A hard-boiled detective lazily investigates the house.]
CCrow
This guy's gonna die of nonchalance.
S8The Leech Woman
This is like a murderous episode of Lucy.
[Regarding the splotchy pattern behind the movie's opening titles]:
CCrow
It's a Rorschach test.
I see a lot of spilled ink congealing in random patterns.
That means you're a sexual predator.
NFNeil Foster
Mrs. Talbot, I know this is painful, but it's one of those things that have to be done when you plan a divorce.
MAMike [as Neil]
You have to be married.
[after Teri shuts Neil out of her room suddenly, and Sally enters the house]
CACrow [as Neil]
I realize now what a horrible lie our engagement has been. I frankly feel very disgusted by the thought of- oh hi honey.
SSally
I don't think an explanation will help. Do you wanna try?
SAServo [as Neil]
Nah, let's go get a burger.
NNeil
No I- I don't.
MAMike [as Neil]
I left you some gum in the car...
NNeil
I had a drink with Teri and took her bags upstairs.
SAServo [as Neil]
There was a bushman in the luggage and he attacked.
NNeil
[defensive] Look, her aunt's an important client and good friend! I- I couldn't just run out! Now don't start imagining things... [Sally walks away]
CACrow [as Neil]
This is the fifties, why am I explaining things to a woman? Get in the car!
S8The Mole People
[John Agar and his team descending into the cavern of the Mole People]
This movie is just ropes and asses.
[The film begins with an introduction from Professor Frank C. Baxter of the University of Southern California.]
BBaxter
This is science fiction of course. It's a fiction, it's a fable.
It's a fabulous funny freak-out.
BBaxter
But I think if you study this picture and think about it, when it's over...
CCrow
You'll feel dirty.
BBaxter
You'll realize that this is something more than just a story told.
It's a story botched.
BBaxter
It's a fable with a meaning and a significance for you and for me in the 20th century. Thank you, and goodbye.
Peanut nostrils happy clams.
[The opening credits scroll out of a huge crater]
Mt. Pinatubo erupted yesterday, spewing movie credits all over the Southern Hemisphere.
[Dr. Bentley and his crew find a suitable camping site on the summit of Mt. Kuitara]
BBentley
We'll make camp here!
Then we'll dig our graves over there!
S8The Deadly Mantis
For every action...
MAMike [as Narrator]
There is a Jackson.
[The movie opens with a review of North American defense monitoring stations.]
Another radar fence stretches across the long, unfortified border between the United States and Canada...
SAServo [as Narrator]
Canada, our mortal enemy.
... the Pine Tree Radar Fence.
MAMike [as Narrator]
The natural radar of pine trees protects our northern borders.
[The camera pans by Greenland on a map.]
You know what? Screw you Greenland!
[A volcano erupts.]
SAServo [as the Menard's Guy]
It's a magma flow of savings at Menard's!
[A museum guard salutes Dr. Jackson]
Uh, you don't need to salute the paleontologist.
[A Corporal at the Arctic base acts like he's having a nervous breakdown after Marge Blaine appears.]
CCrow
Yeah, I think this guy's familiar with dishonorable discharge.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.