[The camera pans over a shot of a snow-capped mountain range.]
Oh jeez, there's soccer teams laying all over the place!
S7Laserblast
[Meacham's plane, engines out, is coasting in to a crash landing when it is suddenly suffused with a mysterious green glow.]
MAMike [as Meacham]
Suddenly I have a refreshing mint flavor.
Early LSD tests in the Air Force.
[Joe running towards the Jeep]
CCrow
Into the Weenie Mobile! WEENIE MAN AWAY!
[In the lab, through a viewport, we see a rectangular metal slab suspended above a squat, boxy metal coil.]
Oh, yeah. This is when science didn't have to have any specific purpose.
Lowering the cylinder.
SAServo [as Meacham]
Inserting the breakfast pastry.
CACrow [as Narrator]
[darkly] The secret government Eggo project.
SAServo [as Meacham]
Contact Dr. Jemima!
MAMike [as Meacham]
God, I love the blueberry ones best.
[Meacham flips a switch. The toaster-like coil starts to red with heat, and we hear a pinging sound.]
Increase the rate of reaction.
SAServo [as Meacham]
Start warming the syrup!
MAMike [as Meacham]
Yum!
[Cal and Joe play with some knobs and dials. The "toaster" emits loud grinding noises.]
Check rate of radioactive decay.
CACrow [as Meacham]
Increase the Flash Gordon noises and put more science stuff around.
. . .
[At the end of the experiment, the toaster object blows up.]
MAMike [as Meacham/Morrison]
Oh, my God! My waffle! Oh, the humanity!
[A loud beeping noise follows post-explosion.]
Fries are up!
JJoe
Here's something my wife could use around the house.
CCrow
A man?
This isn't paper. It's some sort of metal.
CACrow [as Joe]
No, sir. That's paper!
[Dr. Meacham and Joe have just upacked the parts to the Interocitor.]
But before unpacking - D'OH!
There are 2,486 parts.
[Joe is stepping around the spread out Interocitor parts. Crow makes a loud crunching sound.]
CACrow [as Joe]
Uh, 485, sir!
[As Joe walks around the parts, Crow keeps making crunching noises with every step Joe takes.]
JJoe
Where do we start?
Right here. [points towards strange symbol on blueprint.]
MAMike [as Meacham]
At Goofy Clown Face!
JJoe
You know what my kids would say...
[interrupting] "You're not my real father!"
JJoe
"Dig this crazy, mixed-up plumbing!"
Plug it in, Joe.
Doesn't even have any kids. Poor, deluded Joe.
My name is Exeter.
MAMike [as Exeter]
Doug Exeter.
Stand aside, please. You too, Dr. Wilson.
SAServo [as Exeter]
No, farther towards the killzone, please!
CACrow [as Exeter]
Yeah, God I'm good!
[Meacham notices the plug for the Interocetor]
SAServo [as Meacham]
Dear God, I left the iron plugged in!
[Meacham rushes over to unplug the Interocetor, which starts sparking, causing him to lose balance. Joe rushes over to help him up]
CACrow [as Joe]
Oh, come here, you big, dumb dope!
[The Interocetor is now ablaze]
Quick, get the baking soda!
Boy, the landlady's going to be mad!
CACrow [as landlady]
[imitates knocking noise] Are you boys cooking up there?!
No!
CACrow [as landlady]
Are you building an Interocetor?!
[casually] No!
[Meacham pushes a microphone-like Geiger counter probe toward the interocitor wreckage.]
MAMike [as Meacham]
Now that you've exploded, any words for our listeners?
[Brack enters the scene]
Hey, Charlie Rich!
CCrow
He goes through a lot of Brylcreem.
[Brack enters the elevator, looking sternly at Meacham and Adams.]
MAMike [as Adams]
Don't mention his head.
Dr. Meacham! Good morning!
Good morning.
Please, come in. Both of you.
SAServo [as Exeter]
We're glad you could join us at the Buddy Ebsen society!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.