Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 5
[After Mike throws Servo into the air, he's stuck in the rafters.]
Come on, Tom, just drop, I'll catch ya.
But I'm scared!
Don't be ridiculous. Come on.
Okay, here I come.
[Servo falls... right behind Mike.]
We can't have nice things, can we?
Ow, ow, help me, Mike.
Okay, I'm coming, I'm coming.
(Noticing the Mads' light) Oh, it'll have to wait! The dual airbags are calling!
Hey, You guys look like Fabio! [Laughs]
[Over the title screen]:
[excited] With Jane Russell? Oh please oh please oh please oh please...
No, don't get your hopes up.
[A beaten and bloodied Cabot is brought before Queen Lara.]
[accusing Xenos] What have you done to the prisoner?
Uh, we canceled it. It was too obscure.
[in phenomenally bad ADR] Get out of here! You disgusting worm!
At once... your... Royal... Highness.
Now... if... you'll... ex...cuse me, I'm going to go... tear my... agent a new...
[Title of short appears]
Your last clear chance... for fantastic savings!
[As woman walks away from car]
Forty percent of car accidents are caused by... women's hinders!
[A car approaches a railroad crossing sign at night, adorned with the typical "RR" symbol.]
[growling] Rrrrr.
. . .
If you haven't seen the signs...
Boy, you haven't lived.
...then this train might come as a surprise to you.
The Sooooooooooooul Train!
Thank you very much, Clarissa...
[As patrolman] I'd tuck you in, but you're dead.
Every day, these are your signs of life, whose purpose is to keep you alive.
Even though you don't deserve it.
They figure rules are for the other guy, not for good drivers like themselves.
They're communists!
[Close-up of woman driving, having difficulty with a map]
Here's another problem on the roads that we officers face all too often...
Women drivers! [everyone chuckles condecsendingly]
People who have survived a train crash usually say...
AAAAAH!
[Mike and Crow look at Servo strangely.]
That's what they say.
[Frank arrives at the farm and sees Patrolman Hal]
[Jokingly] I give up, officer! What's the charge?
Ha, ha! MANSLAUGHTER.
I have a feeling one of these characters is about to see their own intestines!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
