Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 5
[The plot inexplicably switches to something about underground monsters, using footage from The Mole People.]
[confused] Wha-- that's The Mole People! These movies have crashed!
You got your Mole People in my Batwoman!
You got your Batwoman in my Mole People!
You know a movie is bad bad bad if it makes the Monkees look good!
[The cast chases each other round and round a table while ludicrous hootenanny music plays.]
Maybe they'll all turn into butter.
So, Mike. This is Hell.
Yep.
Mike, I demand that you kill me.
Me too.
No. [a beat] Will you kill me?
[A rail-thin beatnik waiter attends to a table at a restaurant. The waiter has a very distinct hairstyle and moustache.]
Hey! Hitler! We want to order over here!
[The plot has been resolved and nothing important is happening, but the end credits are nowhere in sight.]
[screaming] ENDDDD! EEEEENNNNDDDDDD!!!
[And now, at last, the film ends.]
[defeated and unimpressed] What a wild wild world!
Please stay away from sharp instruments for three weeks after viewing this film and do not operate heavy equipment, thank you!
Should I spit on your dice now, or not, or...?
[Robbie tells Wanda (played by squeaky-voiced Kathy Ireland) he doesn't want to see her anymore.]
I thought you really liked me. You said I was special, so naturally I wanna know why!
It's your helium addiction.
. . .
Why'd you even go out with me in the first place if I'm such a geek?!
'Cause I'm turned on by squeeze toys.
[a plain sign with a very crude drawing of a hamburger and the word "BURGERS" is seen in the background]
That sign is really seducing me into buying a burger!
[A scene of a Mediterranean style city is shown, with a domed building in the background]
Hey it's the Blue Mosque!
No, the Blue Mosque isn't on a hill.
Have you been to Istanbul?
THIS ISN'T EVEN ISTANBUL!
[After a restless sleep, Wanda awakes with a start, her glasses askew over her nose.]
Ah! Swimsuit issue!
This whole room smells like my eyes!
[Wanda hears some rocks falling in the cavern]
Dad?
Look, your dad's not responsible for everything that happens in the world!
This door sounds brown!
[As a man in a little car rides wildly past in the foreground...]
Whoa-oa-oa! Don't ride the Wild Mouse, it's not saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafe!!!
[Wanda begins to explain about what happened to her father, but Charmin suddenly stops her.]
Wait a minute...is that really your voice?
[irritated] Oh, jeez, I'd slap this movie if I could!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
