Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 5
“Alien from L.A.” · Season 5
In this episode: Crow T. Robot (5), Mike Nelson (5), Tom Servo (4)
[Robbie tells Wanda (played by squeaky-voiced Kathy Ireland) he doesn't want to see her anymore.]
I thought you really liked me. You said I was special, so naturally I wanna know why!
It's your helium addiction.
. . .
Why'd you even go out with me in the first place if I'm such a geek?!
'Cause I'm turned on by squeeze toys.
[a plain sign with a very crude drawing of a hamburger and the word "BURGERS" is seen in the background]
That sign is really seducing me into buying a burger!
[A scene of a Mediterranean style city is shown, with a domed building in the background]
Hey it's the Blue Mosque!
No, the Blue Mosque isn't on a hill.
Have you been to Istanbul?
THIS ISN'T EVEN ISTANBUL!
[After a restless sleep, Wanda awakes with a start, her glasses askew over her nose.]
Ah! Swimsuit issue!
This whole room smells like my eyes!
[Wanda hears some rocks falling in the cavern]
Dad?
Look, your dad's not responsible for everything that happens in the world!
This door sounds brown!
[As a man in a little car rides wildly past in the foreground...]
Whoa-oa-oa! Don't ride the Wild Mouse, it's not saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaafe!!!
[Wanda begins to explain about what happened to her father, but Charmin suddenly stops her.]
Wait a minute...is that really your voice?
[irritated] Oh, jeez, I'd slap this movie if I could!
[Crow wears a sergeant's hat while a blindfolded Mike disassembles Tom Servo.]
Hello, maggots! Welcome to boot camp here at Fort Satellite of Love! Today, we are going to do a field strip of one Mr. Tom Servo! I'm drill sergeant Crow T. Robot, or Sir to you toilet-water guzzlin' little mama's boys! You got that, son?
[weakly] Sir, yes sir.
I didn't hear you, ladybritches!
I said sir, yes sir!
[in pieces on the table] Can we just get on with this, Crow? I wanna watch Sisters!
You're not goin' nowhere, you wussy red cupcake! You gonna run home to your mama, huh?
[sarcastically] Ooh, ooh, I'm scared...
Hey Crow, c'mon...
I'm the drill sergeant here, you toe-headed, contact lens-wearin' piece of toast! Now gimme the oath!
Uh, This is my robot, there are many like it but this one is mine.
And what is the name of your robot, boy?
Servo! Tom Servo!
I don't believe I was addressing you, Mayonnaise! Why don't you just make yourself comfortable down there on the floor and give me twenty, Corporal?
Uh, 'cause I can't?
Well, now, you just bought yourself two hundred and twenty! Now c'mon, dickweed!
Uh, we'll be right back.
I heard that, Pyle! You piece of filth!
Well, several pieces, actually...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
