Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 4
[After speaking with Jimmy, Mr. Warren prepares some paperwork with concern.]
Hmm. I didn't know he had a prison record. Says here he's wanted in Idaho.
Hmm? What in the world?! "Assault with a deadly weapon"?!
A.K.A., the "Pantsless Salesman"? Or the "Piddling Peddler"?!
Bride of the Monster (movie)
[Lobo (Tor Johnson) scares away some people during a rainstorm, his mouth agape]
Tor! Close your mouth before you drown!
[After being tied up and turned into an "atomic superman", Dr. Vornoff breaks out of the leather straps that bind him to the table.]
Oh no, now he has the strength of twenty heroin addicts!
[Dr. Vornoff and his octopus monster go up in a nuclear blast. The good guys look on in horror and dismay.]
[solemnly] He tampered in God's domain.
Oh great, the nutty birdman from Apartment 4B is gonna give us a religious insight.
[Joel's Invention Exchange is a machine that merges comic strips.]
Ziggy had Garfield neutered?! Now that's funny!
Hired! Part 2 (short)
[The short begins]
Previously on "Hired!"
[Warren has a sales meeting with all his employees.]
We're gonna have leadership the way my old man told me! You, put a handkerchief on your head! You, swat at imaginary elves! You, rock on the porch all night!
Sales are the most important thing in this business.
Seeing as how we're salesmen, and all.
We're gonna work closer together than we have in the past in order to get more sales.
But first -- martinis!
Jimmy, I want to talk with you first.
'Cause you've got the most problems.
[Warren and Jimmy are having a meeting to discuss sales techniques.]
I'll go along with you this morning, Jimmy, on these first two calls.
Gee, that'll be swell, Mr. Warren. I'll sure appreciate your help. I always learn something, too, when we go out together.
Yeah, maybe I can kiss your butt on the way out, huh? How about that?
[While on a test drive, the film cuts suddenly to show the salesman and customer have switched places.]
Zintar gets the most sales because he's a shapeshifter!
[Another clean-cut salesman in a three-piece suit talks to Mr. Warren.]
Are you now, or have you ever been, a Ford owner?
Manos: The Hands of Fate (movie)
[A jazz singer is heard over the opening credits.]
I guess they picked up Shirley Bassey hitchhiking.
Where did this place come from? It wasn't here a few minutes ago.
Maybe it's Brigadoon.
You know, every frame of this movie looks like someone's last known photograph.
[Torgo, whose thighs and knees appear to be hugely swollen, shambles unevenly to fetch luggage.]
Ah… that's not how you wear your Depends, Torgo.
Been hitting the Thighmaster, Torgo?
. . .
Like having Joe Cocker as your bellhop.
[Michael goes outside to find the source of the howls.]
Hey, look -- I know you're an evil hellbeast, but could you hold it down?! It's after nine, and we got kids!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
