[Bart Fargo repeatedly slaps an assassin in the face.]
SAServo [as Assassin/Mulwray]
My sister! My daughter! My sister! My daughter!
S6Danger!! Death Ray
[A baccarat game is in progress.]
CCroupier
Mesdames et Messieurs, banque $10,000.
CACrow [as Player]
It'd better be a damn good bonk.
[After Bart Fargo's partner is gunned down, the movie's catchy, upbeat "Ba-pa-da-pa-da-da" theme music starts up again.]
This isn't appropriate right now, his friend is dying over there!
[beat]
But it's nice.
It is nice, yeah.
[Crow laughs.]
CCrow
Bart Fargo IS... Hard to-- watch.
CCrow
Bart Fargo. Bartfargobartfargobartfargobartfargo... Heh, that's hard!
S6The Beast of Yucca Flats
[William looks at a Franklin half-dollar he's holding.]
WWilliam
Fifty cents. Half a dollar.
In those days, that'd buy you a car.
WWilliam
Benjamin Franklin, eh?
CACrow [as William]
Bite me, Franklin!
WWilliam
He was supposed to be a pretty smart fellow when it came to money. I suppose he could've told me how to keep out of the red.
CACrow [as William]
He was the best President we ever had. [N]
. . .
[Ben Franklin's silhouette appears in the mirror.]
Alfred Hitchcock! [N]
BFBen Franklin
You receive two dollars every week as an allowance from your father…
MAMike [as Franklin]
…James Joyce.
BFBen Franklin
…something quite unheard of in my day.
CCrow
Fathers?
[Closing shot of Franklin's image on a half-dollar]
Benjamin Franklin was tried in the Eighth circuit court on stalking charges; in a minute, the results of that trial. [N]
Progress Island USA (short)
[The short opens with scenes quickly flashing on screen.]
CCrow
Whoa, I'm having a freak-out up to ten years later!
An American Democracy...
SAServo [as Narrator]
Would be really great.
Year-round sun makes this island a vacation paradise.
CCrow
And very hard to sleep!
Building into the clear-blue sky, the island is on the move.
Hawaii?
CCrow
No, an island!
[Shots of a school are shown.]
Bilingual schools.
MAMike [as Narrator]
Bisexual students.
[The short's title is first mentioned by the narrator over the main theme.]
CCrow
Oh. When did they change the name?
A Quinn Martin production.
MCMike, Crow, Servo
[as the music ends] PUERTO RICO!
A land the size of Rhode Island, it is just as American in its way of life.
CACrow [as Narrator]
So you might as well just stay where you are.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.