[Over yet another shot of the lush rolling countryside with mountains in the distance]
Mike: Guys, this is so not Illinois.

[Partially worm-eaten Roger spies on the Sanders' home from outside in the dark.]
Servo [as Roger/Stevie Wonder]: Isn't she lovely?

[Passengers are boarding.]
Crow [as Attendant]: Hi, you're in the part of the plane that falls off.

[Paul and Marta are engaged in a passionate embrace on the beach.]
Crow: Hey! Is this From Here to Eternity?
Servo: No, it just seems like an eternity.

[Paul and Natalie make eye contact at a party.]
Servo: I see some really stupid children being born as a result of these two meeting.

[Paul Nelson (Peter Graves) observes the carnage of Tom Anderson's mutually fatal battle with the alien.]
Paul Nelson: He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature�� and, because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can't be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection�� they find only death�� fire�� loss�� disillusionment�� the end of everything that's gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can't be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside -- from man himself.

[Paul rises after fainting.]
Paul: I guess I blacked out.
Mike: Um, excuse me, you African-Americaned out.

[Paul zeroes in on Kathy's face for a smooch.]
Servo [as Paul]: Let me explain by auguring my tongue into your mouth.

[Paul, having completely transformed into a werewolf, approaches Sam.]
Sam: Werewolf?
Crow [as Paul]: No, I'm a squirrel monkey; OF COURSE I'm a werewolf, you...

[Peaches works out on a rowing machine, continually thrusting her huge breasts into the camera.]
Crow: [nervously] I'm being turned on by a woman who is long dead!

[Pearl complains to Brain Guy about the mysterious whispering in the castle.]
Observer: Well, it's not me, Pearl! I'm sensing the presence of several disembodied souls�� [increasingly melodramatically] wandering these dark halls in search of surcease, an end to their endless night�� a howl of quiet desperation�� towards an indifferent universe. Nepenthe! Nepenthe!
Pearl: You are so gay.
Observer: I could be wrong.

[Pearl is holding a pledge drive. Servo is trying to call in, but Mike is holding Servo's arm, stretching out the spring.]
Servo: Gimme! Come on, there's still much more to tote!
Mike: Let go of it, man!
Servo: Oh sure, Mike. Go watch your Websters, and your Facts of Lifeses, and your Who's The Bossesesses!
[Movie Sign goes off]
Mike: We got movie sign! [Mike lets go of Servo's hand, sending him flying off screen]

[Penny (blonde bombshell Mamie Van Doren) performs a calypso song and dance, backed by male dancers.]
Penny: Come on, boys, and carry my bananas!
Joel: What in the world does that mean? "Carry my bananas"?
Servo: I don't wanna know.

[Penny helps a farmhand lift a bale over the top of a fenced enclosure to another farmhand inside.]
Crow [as Penny]: Hey, who's the guy in the cage?
Servo [as Farmhand]: Well, that's my brother-cousin. He likes sody-pop.

[Pilot Mike Patton (a pre-Superman George Reeves) examines a rock jungle goddess Greta gives him.]
Mike: Unless I'm crazy, it's kronotite. Of course, that wouldn't mean anything to you, either. Kronotite is stuff that they use in the manufacture of atomic energy.
Joel [as Mike]: Saps all your powers if you're a visitor from foreign planet.