The plot thickens.
Like rancid pea soup.
Humanoid Woman
SST: Death Flight
[Blonde bimbo Angela Garland boards the plane, still wearing her "Miss SST" outfit and sash.]
AAngela
[vapidly] Hello!
[The flight attendants watch her sashay to her seat.]
CACrow [as Attendant]
Please put your brain under the seat in front of you.
[Passengers are boarding.]
CACrow [as Attendant]
Hi, you're in the part of the plane that falls off.
[Having achieved a cruising altitude of 65,000 feet, Captain Walsh gets on the intercom.]
CWCapt. Walsh
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Walsh. If you'll look out your windows, you'll see a sight that very few except the astronauts have ever seen.
SAServo [as Capt. Walsh]
An oncoming plane.
CWCapt. Walsh
Although the sky above remains black…
CACrow [as Capt. Walsh]
… our wing is completely on fire, not unlike re-entry.
[As the SST stabilizes, Kingman herds the passengers toward the rear of the plane.]
CSCarla Stanley
Please, do something! We'll all be killed!
CCrow
I guess she's in charge of panicking.
SAServo [as Kingman]
Okay, all the actors form a line! "Love Boat" on the left, "Fantasy Island" on the right!
Superdome
[Star quarterback Tom Selleck narrowly escapes death in a sabotaged hot tub.]
CCrow
Magnum, deep fried.
[The film ends just before the kickoff.]
AAnnouncer
There's nothing quite like it. Super Bowl. Three hours from now the game will be history, but the lives of the players and fans alike will never be the same.
[annoyed] Who won?
CCrow
I know I'll never be quite the same.
This movie's history.
CCrow
We're history.
Let's go.
[Joel and Crow get up to leave. Servo hangs back.]
Who won? ... Who won? ... Who won the game?!
City on Fire
[After a helpful title card informs us that "What you are about to see could happen to any city, anywhere."]
Oh, good. ... It can happen in any city to any person. So wha–
[Barry Newman's credit appears.]
CCrow
Like Barry Newman.
So stop watching TV and get ready for the big huge fire! The apocalypse that could happen this Sunday night.
CCrow
I bet this was made in Canada.
Oui.
[Doctor Whitman is evacuating the children's ward.]
WDr. Whitman
You all know "Follow the Leader"?
CCrow
This is called "Follow the Burning Doctor".
[A char-broiled paparazzi photographer is taunting Diana about some incriminating photos that he took of her and the Mayor.]
SAServo [as Diana]
Doctor, I think we got our blood donor!
[A woman is going into labor.]
CCrow
Get a catcher's mitt!
Boil some water.
CCrow
Boil some newspapers!
CCrow
Kinda sorry Shelley bought it.
Yeah... kinda of a shame.
She bought it, but we paid for it.
We got a letter from the Mad Scientist League. They say they're gonna revoke our licenses--that we're not really mad enough!
I know, look, it says here, at best we're Mildly Peeved Researchers.
The Last Chase
[a credit for the Canadian Film Development Corporation appears]
CCrow
Oh, Canada, well that– that... that explains why it SUCKED!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.