Dr. Erhardt quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

If it's so dangerous, why does it taste so good?

[to Forrester] Promise me if you lose the contest you aren't going to blow up the whole convention center again.

I only did that once! [Erhardt sternly clears his throat] OK, twice.

It was three times!

The third time I used the incendiaries, and it didn't make the building blow up, it just made it burn. Really... quickly.

[while introducing their creation for the Invention Exchange, a chalkboard vinyl on a record player] Okay- so you're throwing a party, it's 3 AM, and none of the guests are leaving. That's when you bring out the Chalkman!

Yes, as every self-respecting scientist knows, the sound of human fingernails on a chalkboard is most annoying. It initiates the primal fear response in all mammals, much like a chimpanzee scurrying across the plains of the Serengeti. Simply put your Chalkman on the platen. [shows record] Now this is a real chalkboard. (Set on) Side B; excellent. And you'll just notice the tonearm has real human fingernails embedded in the hand, now place it on the platen... [scratches the disc, creating a shrill sound] Now open it.

They'll stay.

Close it. [shrill scratching sound continues]

They'll leave.

And so on and so forth.

Joel

Hey, Dr. Erhardt, I haven't seen you in several millenia. How's the mad biz treating you?

Oh, you know, Joel. It ebbs and flows. More of a hobby at this point.

Joel

I gotcha. Really glad to hear your voice caught up with you too. That shrill nagging tone you always had was really grating on the ears.

[shrill-voiced] It's a hormonal disorder, you little piece of sh-

GENTLEMEN!

We got a letter from the Mad Scientist League. They say they're gonna revoke our licenses--that we're not really mad enough!

I know, look, it says here, at best we're Mildly Peeved Researchers.

Why the upsurge of interest in the heavens?

Because hell is full.

The very idea of lead in glass seems contradictory. Nonetheless, this goblet of lead crystal was made in England by George Ravenscroft back in the year 1675.

He died in 1676.

Lead glass today protects against penetrating X-rays.

And that pervert, Superman.

In this picturesque countryside, farming is the leading occupation.

Number two is murder.