Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

He's gonna hear about this! "@US Navy; my Admiral says 'cappish' instead of 'capiche'. LOL, eyepatch emoji," tweet.

It's me.

Ya boy.

We're not getting no play here.

It's a total sausage fest.

The Admiral is going to lose New York one way or another.

He's already misplaced Orlando.

I think it's time we implement...

Pause for effect.

... the Trojan Horse.

Bum, bum, bum!

Yes sir.

I love you. Uh- wai- Why is he always hanging up right when I'm about to say it?

Guys, lets look at this from the monster's point of view. He's out of his element, an endangered species, probably just looking for food and suddenly, some robots attack him.

Yeah, if anything, he's a poor huddled mass just yearning to breath free.

Servo

We should be welcoming this new sea monster American, and the unique skills he brings with him.

Yeah

Aw, hell no!

Kill that monster! [in chorus with Servo and Crow] USA! USA! USA!

Servo

So now they go out for a well deserved night of celebration.

Which ends with Red once again, in the brig. This time for urinating on the dog of a visiting diplomat.

Until another monster emerges for him to battle.

Servo

Which he does, leading to another victory, and another night of drinking.

And he's back in the brig.

And the cycle of Red's life continues.

Servo

And the movie ends as it began... as a garbage fire.

You're not exactly fired, Barbara. I mean- there is a difference between being fired and being replaced.

Just ask Conan O'Brien.

That's why you always go into the theater when you have Movie Sign.

Servo

[as someone dresses into a yellow wetsuit] Can't believe I have to dress like a Minion for this stupid kid's birthday party. I went to Juilliard!

[imitating John Lennon] Told you we shouldn't have let Ringo drive.

Well, at least he died doing what he loved; yelling at fish.

Servo

You know, Jonah, this shot is not grate.

Thanks, Tom. I know you're just venting. You wanna try one, Crow?

No thanks, I don't think puns are funny. Yet the way they're constructed makes you feel like they should be.

I hear ya.

Hey, I got it! Let that sink in. Yeah, I'm a pun guy! I like myself, and I'm saying puns!

Hey, she's looking right at us!

Yeah! You're freaking us out, lady! Stop it!

Servo

And look at how she's behaving, like we're the jerks.

Yeah!

Servo

No, you back off!

More like Amelia Waterheart! Get it? I'm puntastic!

It's like if you... blew 'em apart...

You know, like, ba-boom?

All those little pieces, in time, would come back together again...

Here's the church, here's the steeple...

[suddenly appearing in the shot] Bye Daddy!

Whoops, were you there the whole time, baby?

You be a good girl for Mommy now, okay?

I will, Daddy.

Alright, I'll see you tomorrow.

Bargain-bin Mark Hamill's gotta get his make out on!

[coming downstairs] Hey, Dad.

Norm!

[on the phone] Well how long do you think it would take to fix it?

A half-hour, sir. It's just a pizza.

No no- what toppings do you need on the- [Richard hangs up]