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13 SEASONS

TV show quotes

Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes

3,167 quotes · page 178 of 212

Mystery Science Theater 3000

All S1 S2 S3 S4 S5 S6 S7 S8 S9 S10 S11 S12 S13

S12Mac and Me

[the MACs have wandered into the grocery store, and the mother has knocked over a pile of canned soda]

CSCrow, Servo, and Jonah

Jenga!

SAStore Associate

Hey, what do you think you're doing?!

Crow [as a MAC] Uh, uh, uhhh...

[the father MAC walks in front of the associate, holding a watermelon]

JAJonah [as the father MAC]

I gotta find the John, where do I put this?

[the associate looks at him, bottom to top]

SAServo [as the father MAC]

Did you just check me out???

CJCrow and Jonah [as two bystanders]

Did he just check him out???

Now this is what E.T. was missing. A shootout in a grocery store.

Oh, I bet this is the part of the movie where Eric's gonna give a big speech about no matter what we look like on the outside, we are all the same, and really, isn't that— [the police begin opening fire on the aliens, starting a massive firefight] Whoa, okay. Tha— I mean like— oh! NO! NOO! NO STOP! NO IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A SPEECH ABOUT HOW WE'RE ALL THE SAME!

What? [the cars all explode, causing a massive explosion of the gas store]

NOOO!!!

What the hell???

Holy gizmos!

[freaking out] NO, WHAT THE F— COME ON!!! This didn't happen in E.T.!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning!

[stressed] It's supposed to be about how we're all the same in the end and everything's gonna be okay...

He looks like Teddy Ruxpin with his face torn off.

That's neither the church nor the steeple.

[Mac blows a bubblegum bubble]

SAServo [as Mac]

Wanna see my spleen? It's pretty cool.

[Eric pops the bubble]

SAServo [as Mac]

Ahh! I need that to live!

S12Atlantic Rim

Crow Atlantic Rim? Could you be more Pacific?

AHAdmiral Hadley

Pretty big step for a radar glitch. Do you have anymore information you wanna tell me?

Bruce Willis was dead the whole time, sir.

Damn, what time is it?

Time is a social construct, SIR!

ADr. Adams

Who would take down an oil rig?

Robert Mueller?

It just disappeared from my sonar, I don't have anything here. Anybody else reading anything?

[as Stone] Uh, Lincoln in the Bardo.

[as Admiral Hadley] Cash on Cash by Johnny Cash.

[as Dr. Margaret Adams] Danielle Steel.

[as Lt. Wexler] I'm into podcasts.

[as Red battles a giant monster]

This thing's all over my ass, man! He's gonna tear me up!

Excuse me?

Hey, send someone in there, he's getting killed down there!

[as the camera shows different characters]

SAServo [as Hadley]

That thing's all over him.

CACrow [as Adams]

Tearing him up.

Jonah [as Wexler] Especially his ass.

[as Red is being put in the brig]

Easy!

Yeezy? Kanye? I don't know what to call him anymore! Tell me what to call Kanye, please!

SAServo [as Red]

Oh, I think I found a way out. I'm gonna get outta here- [door is locked] Aww man...

Yo, there's people dying!

JAJonah [as Red]

And it's actually Berenstain Bears! Not Bernstein!!!

[in a scene with two bomber pilots]

I kinda just figured we'd get matching helmets, didn't you?

Joel Hodgson???

That day, eight brave soldiers evacuated Manhattan by word of mouth alone.

These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.