TV show quotes
[Archaeology professor Johnny "Longbow" Salina and his students walk off after a prank.]
Um… why do you call him "Johnny Longbow"?
Well, it's his Indian name. His tribal one.
Like Wahoo McDaniel.
It translates: "warrior's bow that... reaches long to its mark".
Oh! Is he seeing anyone?
[During one of Johnny Longbow's long-winded monologues, thunder rumbles in the distance.]
Stop talking, Johnny Longbone(sic)!
[A meteor has just landed right by Paul and Kathy.]
Paul, are you alright? What happened?
She gets off the ground saying, "What happened?" a lot.
[Kathy is worried about a cut on Paul's forehead.]
I don't live too far from here. And I have lots of antiseptics at my place.
Dozens! No, hundreds of antiseptics!
Your place?
Yeah, my place.
I call it "Antiseptic Manor."
Fine. Your place, then.
[Thunder rumbles.]
Not his place! Fornicators!
[Paul zeroes in on Kathy's face for a smooch.]
Let me explain by auguring my tongue into your mouth.
[Paul rises after fainting.]
I guess I blacked out.
Um, excuse me, you African-Americaned out.
[Late at night, Paul leans against his pet lizard's cage, which is as tall as he is.]
He sure gave that lizard a lot of headroom!
Maybe he has a trampoline in there.
. . .
[Paul gazes at the lizard, who stares stonily back.]
Well... now I can't get back to sleep, either. What do you wanna do?
[As a shirtless Paul roams at night, the camera cuts to a shot of the moon and zooms in.]
Tha-- That's just a picture of the moon!
Yeah, the moon backed out of this movie at the last minute.
[Two young Native American boys practice archery, while stereotypical "Indian" music plays on the soundtrack.]
Thanks for the stereotype music!
[As the hospital, Kathy has an audio flashback, during which she stares vacantly into space.]
Brain has performed an illegal operation and will be shut down.[N]
[Johnny and Captain Mac, looking for Paul, drive past a road sign for U.S. Route 66.]
Get your kicks on meeee-ee-ee!
[Johnny tells Kathy of his plan to give Paul a quick death.]
Johnny, you can't do this! Paul's your friend! Paul--
PAUL IS NOT PAUL ANYMORE!
HE'S SUPER PAUL!
[Johnny Longbow stares thoughtfully off into the night.]
I see... a huge casino!
Oh, come on.
Brain-Dead, let's send these guys, Track of the Moon Beast. It stars nobody, and features nothing. I hope you gag on it.
Aw, can't I have just one more justice?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
