[The Soultaker bears down on Tommy in a convenience store.]
What do you want?
CACrow [as Soultaker/Estevez]
Do you have a phone, so I can call Martin to take over my role?
S10Soultaker
[The Soultaker hovers over Tommy, preparing to take her soul]
SThe Soultaker
[ominously] It's Closing Time!
Does that mean that every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end?
[At Summerfest, Tommy randomly goes up to a woman and kisses her on the lips.]
Thanks!
[The woman laughs it off.]
MAMike [as Woman]
I just got assaulted, it's fun!
[At a bus stop, Natalie (played by screenwriter Vivian Schilling) freaks about her mother at home with the Soultaker.]
My mom! He's done something to my mom!
ZZach
No, no--your mom is fine! She's at the hospital.
What?
MAMike [as Zach/Actor]
Hey, look--you wrote this crap!
[Natalie lies unconscious in a hospital bed, respirator in mouth.]
[singing in Peter Frampton/talkbox voice] I wanna thank you.
[Zach's friend Brad, now a Soultaker himself, is explaining the Afterlife to Zach.]
BBrad
You still haven't figured it out, have you, man?
CCrow
We have! Can we go?!
[The Soultaker confronts Zach at the hospital rooftop edge after a long chase scene.]
CACrow [as Soultaker]
Muhuhahahahaha! You're it!
SSoultaker
It's all over now.
Oh, ho, I wish that were true!
Oh, Frank, I thought you were dead!
TSTV's Frank
I am dead. [pause] I was in Second Banana Heaven for a while, but it is so political up there. Pat Buttram had it in for me right from the start. So, then I was an angel for a while, and then I got into big trouble for appearing to people as Della Reese. Scared the hell out of them. So, they transferred me to Soultaker.
I knew these two would get along.
CCrow
Maybe they have this wondrous, frilly wedding in the frou frou land of bunnies where magical fairies blow kisses to the stars, and the polka-dotted toadstools sing, 'Good Ship Lollipop,' to the tiny mice in their little feetie pajamas.
[Cuts to a scene with a smiley face balloon as main characters' souls are taken]
CCrow
Oh sure, just shove the irony down our throats!
S10Girl in Gold Boots
[Listening to song called "Everything I Touch Turns to Gold"]
CCrow
What happens when you touch gold?
[Michelle comes out of the kitchen, crying after being yelled at by her drunken father.]
BBuz
What's wrong?
CACrow [as Michelle]
I just found out what's in the "Special Sauce!"
[Buz furtively unzips his jacket and checks the pistol tucked into his belt as he steps out of his car.]
MAMike [as Buz]
Wh... oh, a gun. So that was the loud report and burning sensation in my groin.
I'll have ten Hershey bars.
CCrow
Tin Hershey bars? Those are hard to eat.
That'll be one dollar.
SAServo [as Critter]
I've got a "Happenings" coupon!
Can you cash a hundred?
I've never even seen one!
Fifty?
[Michelle shakes her head "no."]
MAMike [as Critter]
Oh. Well, I'll have a thousand Hershey bars then, I guess.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.