Emily quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Man, oh man, would you look at this one? She sure is beautiful...

But she doesn't even know I exist!

Well, this she happens to be a he.

Idiot.

You're looking at the male betta splenden, and he is one of the most beautiful fish you'll probably ever see. As you look closely...

Just look at that muddy brown.

... almost every color of the rainbow, sparkling in his sleek body, and flowing fins as he swims...

Bob's biting his knuckle right now.

The father betta will go up to the surface and breathe in a mouthful of air. Then he will swim to the place that he's chosen to build his nest. Now this is usually by a plant, or on the underside of a floating leaf.

Hopefully by a sport's bar.

Then he will blow out the bubbles of air, which is coated with very special saliva from his mouth.

Servo

When he does it, he's a good dad, but when I do it, I'm asked to leave the Arby's.

Now, the Creator has given most wild creatures a strong instinct to protect their young, and mother mouthbrooder performs this task in such a remarkable way.

Magic!

Even though she has scooped up all of the eggs into her very large mouth, she will not swallow them. She keeps them in her mouth until they hatch into baby fish.

And will remind those children of her sacrifice for years to come.

I've got something to tell you that you'll probably see in the film tomorrow, but I think you need to know it now.

Meryl's still got it.

Every time you come to a stop sign, you should always use the slow down, or stop hand signal. And then you should look being you to make sure that no cars are coming. Then look to the left, and always when it's a three-way intersection, look straight ahead to the right, to the left again, and then once it's clear, you can...

Then up up, down down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start, and you'll have unlimited bikes!

All vehicle drivers need good visual habits to drive skillfully.

Having eyes in general is a plus.

Everything you can see at one thing is called your field of view.

Learning!

Look what happens to your field of view when you turn your head.

You can see International Towel World.

Every time you switch your line of sight, your entire field of view changes.

Scientists call this, "looking."

Check ahead in the intersection for traffic. Check to the left, and to the right...

Then cha cha slide.

Then put your hand back on the handlebar, and check behind again to make sure it's clear before you turn.

Repeat this process 27 times, then turn the stove on and off 44 times so you know your mom won't die.

Who do you think's gonna pitch today? I hope it's not McCalvey!

Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here...

Final line, McCalvey went eight innings, gave up two runs on six hits, four walks, and one ceremonial pitch.

He died how he played baseball: trouble with the curve.

Servo

[as the ambulance takes the boy away] And the moral of the story is, baseball isn't worth it.

Alright, let's move back out of the street.

Alright, move along so we can finish this Larry Byrd photo shoot for Pontiac.

Search the ground for changing road surfaces. Your bicycle reacts differently to each one. Loose gravel is slippery.

And pairs well with Merlot.

Bricks are bumpy.

These are the weirdest affirmations.

Adjust your speed to each surface to keep your bicycle under control.

Unlike that hot Irish temper of yours, Kellen.

[singing] Don't you... forget about me... [she raises a fist in the air]

I remember Jules et Jim being longer.

Yeah, Beverly J. Ruff was definitely not three dogs in a trench coat.

Servo

Ironically, I had to unfriend John L. Friend.

Richard B Long, Jeffrey B. Light, and I be done with this movie.

[as the family gathers around the breakfast table] Now, Steve is ready for breakfast, and father too.

Back from his other family.

Father is also careful about the food he eats. The sausage looks good...

But the eggs look worse.

[as the father takes a bite of the sausage, but grimaces] But it doesn't taste right.

And Cathy's missing three fingers!

So, he won't eat anymore of the sausage, it may be spoiled.

Right, Cathy?

Often we can tell if foods are good to eat by smelling or tasting them.

Or simply by asking them.

You should never eat food if you're not sure they are safe.

Cathy, did you wash your fingers before we cooked them?

The best way to get dirt and germs off your hands is to wash and scrub them well.

Preferably, 'til bloody.

Use lots of soap, and get in between the fingers, on the back of the hands, and on the wrists too. Get them clean all over.

Servo

Where have those wrists been?

You don't wanna know.

Servo

It's quarantined Pac-Man!

No, Pac-Man! [Imitates the Pac-Man death sound]

Sally has a sandwich from yesterday.

See? No funny business.

Cathy would love it, but if it's been out of the refrigerator for so long, it may be spoiled. [Cathy declines the sandwich] That's right, Cathy. Don't eat things if you don't know for sure they are safe.

Say no to leftovers.

Suppose you drop a cookie on the floor.

Servo

Five second rule?

Things that are dropped, you know, should be washed before eating, but how can you wash a cookie?

That's what spit's for!

Well, he'll just have to throw it out.

And burn the evidence.