Emily quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

There is still another place.

Where the watermelons grow?

You've been holding out.

It's very deep.

Yeah, but it's got pearls in it, right?

According to the lore of my people, the Rizion Channel has hundreds upon hundreds of pearls.

Boring mythology, but okay.

You've seen them?

No, but others in my village have.

And the fish down there? Totally naked.

What are we waiting for?

You mean, "For what are we waiting?"

It's very dangerous.

Logan invented YOLO? Take that, Drake.

To be fair, this movie makes me want to walk into the ocean, too.

I don't think some of these extras were prepared for how deep this was gonna get.

Servo

No one was.

Ariel's burial.

[pouring out a thick liquid onto the ground] Beyond the barrier of heaven and earth, let it go free into a closed dwelling. May it cause it to enter.

The world has never seen such evil caramel.

Primum materialis...

Lorem ipsum!

Release this blood of the earth. May it find its place with the philosopher's stone.

I have to tell you something.

I'm pregnant.

Show you something, so that you'll comprehend the magnitude of why I cannot be held here any longer.

Through the medium of dance.

Everything we say is being recorded.

We're live on Twitch. Thanks to Donkey Dan for the three month sub.

Oh look dude, the master protects me from your puny weapons! You ain't got- [Gaudio shoots him in the leg]

My jelly pants!

IT HURTS!

Call him an ambulance.

You're an ambulance, sir.

I can't believe Doctor Mordrid was a Christmas movie the whole time!

Well, okay, but it wasn't though.

Servo

But there was a Christmas tree in it.

Well a Christmas tree doesn't make it a Christmas movie. 101 Dalmatians has a Christmas tree in it.

Well, what if it takes place on Christmas, and has a Christmas tree in it?

Servo

Like Die Hard.

Okay, it doesn't matter. Look at the release date. Die Hard came out July 15th, 1988. It's a summer blockbuster, not a Christmas movie.

Servo

How do you know when Die Hard came out?

I have this discussion a lot.

So if it came out at any point other than the Christmas season, it's not a Christmas movie?

That's right.

Servo

What about Nightmare Before Christmas?

Well, released October 13th, obviously a Halloween movie.

Elf?

Well, released November 7th, an early Thanksgiving parable about found families and sugar consumption.

Servo

It's a Wonderful Life?

While, actually released on January 7th, it's a New Year's morality play about the evils of forgetfulness.

Servo

So according to Newton's third law of motion, any movie that comes out in the Christmas season is a Christmas movie?

Me and Newton are on the same page there.

Then Titanic is a Christmas movie!

Yep. And I'll die on this hill, and if the hill comes out in late December, I'll call it a Christmas hill.

Wow, Gotham got hit hard by the recession.

Spaghetti westerns only wish they were Sultry Jazz Westerns.

Batwoman, when will you release your tax returns?

Servo

Batwoman, what's your position on pants?

Is it true the Snyder Cut of Batwoman has 25% more spearfishing?

You're about to witness the discovery of the century!

Stock footage!

From the depths of the ocean, over 400 million years ago, surfaced the beginnings of the human race!

Is this a Scientology pitch?

And it all began with the first vertebrate, the fish! Starting from that point, we will make the regress into the dawn of evolution.

Oh, edibles are hitting.

And we will create a new being with the likeness of our ancestors: a human amphibious hybrid! [laughs maniacally]

Oh, now I hate when comedians laugh at their own jokes.

[bringing Batwoman to Dr. Williams] Boss, look who we found! Get in here!

Pow!

Servo

Biff!

Grab!

Lunge!

Servo

Acid!

Servo

[singing to the chase music] Baaatwoman swerves. Baaatwoman drives. With Baaatwoman nerve, Baaatwoman jives!

See, this is why you've got to have a dashcam.

Ah, yeah. Honk your horn. That'll show 'em.

I'm pretty sure she was in the Aquabats.

Servo

Well, she's in Phish now.

Clearly.

Servo

Kelp! I need somebody...

Please no. Please no.

Servo

I get by with a little kelp from my friends...

No no no, you really shouldn't.

Servo

Sorry. I can't kelp myself.

Uuugh!

Funny, I still think of myself as an Earth child.

Servo

Emily, do you still think of yourself as an Earth child?

Oh, I don't know. Ask me after I've been here for seven years.

Uh, no human has ever lived here that long. Just ask the other guys.

Wait, what?

[to Jason Caball] Let me lead the way.

Aw, that's sweet. Would you guys ever escort me into a dangerous unknown situation?

Servo

Uh, I'd walk with you so I could better criticize your choices.

I'd let you walk in front of me so you could shield me from the worst of the shrapnel.

Servo

And I'd definitely film the whole thing for WorldStarHipHop.

WorldStar!