JoelHey, thanks a lot for calling in last week, everybody. It sure helps out here on the Satellite of Love to get your messages.
Hey Joel, let's listen to one of the messages!
Joel
Alright, that's a good idea. Hey Cambot, could you give it to me on a blue star field screen and give it to me one time, CG bold helvetica straight up on two?
C1Caller 1
I enjoyed the movie, but really hated the constant interruptions that were on there. It was like being in a theater with a bunch of rude Jr. High teenagers. I hope you don't continue the program, not in that fashion anyway.
What a complete wing-nut!
Joel
Well listen, Servo, everyone is entitled to their opinion. That's what makes the USA great.
Is that so, Joel Hodgson? I think that guy needs an antispasmodic.
Could I say something to our friendly caller, Joel?
Joel
Of course, Servo.
Hey buddy, is that your head, or did your neck grow a bubble?
Joel
Hey you should talk, listen I think we should listen to another one.
C2Caller 2
[excitedly] Great stuff! More more more MORE MORE!!! GIMME MORE!!! I WANT MOOOOOOOORE!!!!
Oh, he must mean Dave Moore.
No, that's a black gospel singing group.
No, that's Moore By Four.
Isn't that an off road truck?
No you're thinking of a 2x4.
No, that's a CB term, you know uh, "2-4, good buddy."
No, that's 10-4- no, that's a tax form you fill out.
No, that's 1040- my favorite lubricant!
[Hidaka and his Eskimo hosts observe fighter jets pursuing another jet.]
HDr. Hidaka
The war even comes to this Eskimo village. Soon there won't be any peace anywhere.
[Cut to a ship cutting through the ice.]
Joel
There's nothing more tragic than a war in an Eskimo village.
[As the military prepares to destroy Gamera, little Kenny runs up to Dr. Murase and the General.]
Don't shoot Gamera! Don't shoot Gamera! He's good, he's good!
JAJoel [as Dr. Murase]
Let's listen to what Kenny has to say!
MDr. Murase
Yes. It might be a mistake. Maybe we shouldn't use those missiles.
Why not? It's the only way to kill that monster.
SAServo [as Murase]
Because Kenny said so.
[Scene: the city of Oshima, where people are milling about.]
AAnnouncer
The city is off-limits to civilians. Not even the press is allowed to enter the area.
JAJoel [as Announcer]
Kenny, however, is free to move about.
[as Kenny uncovers a pile of rocks]
Oh, it's Tibby's burial mound.
[defensive] Shut up! It's not funny. [Scoffs]
[looking for his turtle] You there?
[beginning to get a little sad] Oh Tibby...
It's not- Stop it! Shut up!
CACrow [as Kenny]
Tibby! Tibby! SQUISH! Aww, Tibby!
[getting more emotional] That's not funny! Joel, tell him to stop!
Joel
What are you worried about? Tibby's long dead, Tom.
[gets up and begins to walk away] I'm leaving! I ha- [sobbing] I can't take this, this is terrible!
Joel
Come on back, come on.
[returning to his seat] Will you stop with the jokes?
Joel
Yeah.
[as Gamera is lured to the missile, trapped in a large capsule, and launched into space]
Hey, Joel, remind you of anything?
Joel
[rips Crow's arm off and hits him with it] Yeah, it reminds me of this!
CSCrow and Servo
[singing] In the not too distant future- [Joel hits Servo with the arm and throws it away]
You could get sued for that kind of thing.
Joel
I'm gonna sue you for using that song.
[Akio reaches up and finds his head has been shaved]
Hey, what happened to my hair?
The space aliens did it, they're cannibals!
Joel
They ate my hair?
[this particular joke was improvised by Josh's Servo in the original KTMA episode]
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
