A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Michael J. Nelson
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 824 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (393), Crow T. Robot (376), Narrator (63)
[The creature has just mortally attacked Lombardi as blank-faced Dr. Erickson looks on:]
Well, mmm, gosh, I, mmm... Hmm. Uh...
...
[Erickson continues to emote incomprehensibly:]
Fear? Elation? What is it?
...
Despair? Love? Joy? Tell us!
...
Concern? Passion? Hunger? What, Lance?
...
Ennui? Angst? Apathy? Gas?
...
Cold? Jubilant? Headache-y?
MikeHis emotional memory is the previous scene.
[Leaving the party, first victim Frank walks home through the woods.]
[muttering] "I'm okay. I don't need a ride." What was I thinking? It's like 47 miles!
I'm probably pretty tasty and well-marbled--not something I've often thought of.
. . .
I was a Teenage Werewolf Snack.
[Tony has finished yelling at Arlene for asking an innocent question]
...and I like you because...?
I'm sorry, Arlene. I don't know why I act like this.
Because you're a jerk?
[The werewolf prowls the woods during an amazingly bright night.]
Well, they couldn't shoot at night because the night belongs to Michelob.
MikeI thought the night belonged to love.
Yeah, it did, but it was bought out by Michelob.
[Dan walks out of his "lady friend" Olga's house before she stops him.]
Wait, you forgot your back brace.
[Mike and the 'bots all react with utter revulsion as Kester drops his pants, exposing red long underwear.]
MikeUgh, he's pink!
I don't know how, but I think I just became sterile!
[cheering] Go spiders! Go spiders! Go go spiders!
[Ev and Dan struggle in the wind from a meteorite strike on their land.]
Why, I hope that bomb didn't land on our pile of tires and our busted refrigerator in the yard, and the rusted chassis of our '68 Impala!
. . .
What the [expletive deleted] hell was that?
Why, it's befuddlin' mah dumb cracker mind!
Packers!
[The scene opens in Ev and Dan's pitch-black kitchen at night.]
Actually filmed inside the thumbhole of a bowling ball.
. . .
[Later in that scene, Dan begins chasing sister-in-law Terri around the kitchen table after threatening to spank her.]
MikeAnd the movie ramps up the revulsion!
This movie hates us, doesn't it?
[Dan is trying to find out if the stones he found are diamonds]
Diamonds are supposed to cut glass.
Yeah, they're supposed to, but they're too damn lazy!
[walks toward window]
Too bad all their windows are made of plastic wrap and duct tape!
[Dan scratches a crude "$" into the window]
...Aryan...Nation...rules...
[excited] Will you look at that!?
[excited] I made a [sic] "R"!
[A visibly shaken Dan stumbles back into the kitchen after discovering a mutilated corpse in the backyard.]
You look like you could use a drink.
And a shower, and a job.
I found another body...
Well, good, 'cause yours is gettin' kinda gross.
[Ev opens a dresser drawer and an assortment of puppet spiders pop their legs out of the drawer.]
We're your dirty socks! Wash us!
Giant Puppet Invasion!
[A restless mob begins to form with the intent of taking out the giant spider.]
Free Bobby Seale!
Free Mumia!
Free beer!
Mike[urging Bobo to fight back against the alien pods] You're the only one who can do it; you're a magnificant mountain gorilla. You are Bobo- son of Koko!
Yes- yes! And heir to the great lineage of Godo, Mogo and Chim-Chim! [springs into action with an invigorated roar]
I saved you and the whole galaxy! Aren't you proud?
You mean they watched the movie, and I didn't get to watch them watching the movie? Bobo, get rid of my [pod clone] body. Brain guy, send them the movie - again.
MOVIE SIGN! AGAIN!
[Mike addresses Gypsy- who appears to have been replaced by one of the alien "zucchini/throw pillow" pods]
MikeHey, Gypsy; what happened to the zucchini throw pillows?
[monotone] I have put them in a safe place; and now ypu should sleep. I have prepared warm milk to help you.
But I'm not tired.
All sentinent beings- however inferior- require sleep.
MikeGypsy, are you okay?
Of course I am, Mitchell Nelson.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
