A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Michael J. Nelson
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
3rd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 824 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (393), Crow T. Robot (376), Narrator (63)
[Later, Gordon gives Linda a charm he found near the watch.]
Here, I polished this for you. We found it in the trade rat's nest.
He had a little tool and die shop down there.
I think I got most of the rat droppings off it.
[The final shot of the movie, a zoom in on Jessica's necklace and cleavage, fills the screen.]
The whole movie was leading up to this shot.
Brought to you by the Breast Council.
Buy breasts where you work or bank!
[As Smolkin the gravedigger slouches around.]
Smolkin's naked sometimes, Mike.
Mike[cringing] Ohh. Damn you, Servo!
[Satan explains to Quintus how he cannot return to his own time.]
Thy voyage to this age was down a long, long road…
Route 666!
…that tied Diana to Helen. It was a road from living mind to living mind.
…to sleeping audience.
. . .
Here you are fixed! Make of a local life what comfort, sport, and joy thou may.
[singing to "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"] O-ho, tidings of comfort, sport, and joy!
[Smolkin grabs a clearly modern shovel.]
Apparently there were Hardware Hanks during the middle ages.
Gettest thou a cemetery full of savings at Menards!
[a knight confronts Smolkin]
Do you jest with me, gravedigger?
Again, I cannot say- I am mad; and therefore cannot tell a jest from a joust.
Mike[of Smolkin] Digs graves and plays with your mind!
[Claire takes a reluctant Dr. Hedges to a pier after answering about two dozen stupid questions from him.]
Now what's going on?
Who's that other guy?
Where are we going?
What is this fluid under my feet?
What happened to the day-ball?
Let's chip in and buy this movie a life.
[On the creek bottom, Bob Hedges finds the chest containing the dead cat.]
MikeHey! They whacked Toonces!
Well, he killed a made canary, so they had to do 'im.
Think, Bob. Throughout human history, what has been the first activity of explorers of any new region?
Genocide?
Slavery?
Diseased blanket spreading?
[Bob Hedges, Claire, and her father have some time to kill while waiting for Victor's test results.]
Is there a good movie in town?
Mike[snorts] Now we get to watch people watching a movie? What is that all about?
Heh heh heh!
[Mike and Crow consider what they're saying.]
Oh.
[Victor packs a suitcase and leaves the house]
I'm goin' to the city to be a stud.
MikePlease! That's a hideous thought.
This is the same sumptuously detailed set that was later used in The Age of Innocence!
Or was it Sense and Sensibility?
MikeI think it was Barfly.
Yeah, that's it.
[Lombardi hypnotizes Andrea back to her "Elizabeth" former life. Fellow hypnotist Erickson (played by Lance Fuller) questions her.]
My first question: will I get the part in This Island Earth?
What year is it, Andrea?
[singing] The year of the cat.
1618, the Year of Our Lord.
In 'artford, 'ereford, and 'ampshire.
Who is the reigning monarch?
James Stuart.
Now, wait a second. You're crazy, and you're driving me crazy, too!
[Lombardi forces King the dog to back away simply by staring at him.]
There aren't many who can control an animal by hypnosis, are there, Doctor?
No.
He did what I told him without a single word.
MikeThat's because he's a dog!
[To keep the Observers at bay so Pearl and Bobo can escape, the Nanites place a Number 7 move on the planet below]
Mike NelsonSay, what's a Number 7? [the planet explodes]
Mike, you blew up another planet! What is your deal?
Mike NelsonI just told them to take care of a little problem!
And they did! Here comes Mike- Destroyer of Worlds!
Oh God of Fire and Vengeance... stay away from me!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
