Mike Nelson quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[As the short ends, the Dancing Woman and the Mystery Man ride off together. The road they're on appears to be a dead end.]

Mike

Look out! The bridge to the future's out!

[They all gasp and make explosions as the end card appears.]

12 to the Moon (movie)

[The film's opening credits gradually plaster a dozen names on the screen.]

Mike

Wow, I think I'm in this!

[Regarding Mel Tormé...]

Mike

Hit him! He'll cry!

[After attempting to force himself on his date, Chip tumbles over the edge of a cliff]

[At a drive-in restaurant, Fred (Mel Tormé) chows down on a huge burger over a tray with two drinks.]

Mike

The Velvet Hog! [N]

[The opening card reads "ANHEUSER-BUSCH, INCOPORATED Manufacturers of Quality Low Temperature Cabinet Makers presents"]

Mike

Oh yeah, and high-octane suds! Woo!

[Noticing a box in the freezer]

Mike

This is frozen cotton?

[As a man in a trench coat runs towards a malfuctioning car]

Mike

And Creepy Triple-A is there.

[A fight scene has broken out.]

Mike

Well, it's not a plot point... and it's not an action sequence... so what is it?

[The camera pans across a battle in the headhunters' village--and past an embarrased-looking tribesman standing awkwardly by himself.]

Mike

Aw, poor guy doesn't have a fighting partner!

[The effeminate villain, Kermes, drops a portcullis to trap Maciste.]

[Martin desperately tries to disable the ship's computers by beating it with his pistol.]

Mike

Hey, there's bullets in the other end of that thing!

[Our helpless "heroes" are instructed to go to "The Tree Of Death" where they will find means to fight back Balleau. Cut to a tree with a jawless skull on it]