Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Everyone is asking the same question...

Servo

Why am I watching this?

Your Period and Mine: A Lecture.

Hello. Am I on? Is this thing on? You wanna look at that, Helen?

Today, I'd like to tell you about several girls I know very well.

...and why I'm being fired.

Servo

She consulted Robert McNamara.

Joel

And Ayn Rand!

She got a real thrill out of dropping that letter in the box.

(chuckles maniacly)

Joel

Be cool! Be cool! Come on! Be cool! Just... Oh, that's good! Now let's get out of here.

It's here already! Oh, shoot! I mailed it to myself!

Joel

It's from Ed McMahon! It says I may already be a winner!

Servo

Hey, look! It's the Woodstock of the 50s! Vic Damone's on next.

Play "Whipping Post"!

[in marching cadence] I'm a Q-tip, what are you!

Look, look, look at my crotch. Look, look look at my crotch. Loooook at my crotch. Yay!

Servo

Hats off to Ray, the whimsical lampshade.

...but then Kay came up with that all-important question.

How do Pop-Tarts work?

What are you doing to major in, Helen?

What are you going to take, Jean?

I'm going to take Bob for everything he's got!

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to teach.

Because I can't do.

Joel

Hey, it's Abbey Road.

Here we come, walking down the street...

Jean and Louise were leaving for their jobs in the city, so you all drove down to the train station to see them all.

Servo

And to re-enact the last scene from Anna Karenina.

[cadence-calling] Hut, 2, 3, 4!

We are in a crappy film…

We are in a crappy film…

They'll help you with your evacuation to a new world, which will be mutually agreed upon.

They will tell me where to take my people?!

No, Cleolanta. They'll only advise.

[singing] For yooooou!

Ooh, Harold!

Ooh, Maude!

What if we turned ourselves in to the police?

Then we'd be policemen and could drop the charges!

Servo

The Woody Allen story!

Mike

Hey, I like my family, as a friend!

What's the matter?

THERE'S A RABBIT IN THERE!

Now, Mother and Daughter put the finishing touches on the dinner.

With strychnine!

Salad needs more butter, Mother!