Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

[singing] Sim-ply ha-ving a wonderful Christmastime!

Disney's Jungle Cruise claims another five souls.

[to the dragon] Stay off that wing.

[the dragon nods] Alright, mom.

Even though it's healing fast, no flying. You need your rest.

And if DreamWorks lawyers come, we were never here.

Don't worry...

I left money for pizza.

You've created a sacred bond with her. You two will always be able to find one another.

Thanks to social media.

Third wheel alert.

We're going north. Catch up with us when you can.

I get it. You guys can't afford to put me in the next couple scenes, can you?

Looks kinda skinny. Must be a Carpenter ant. [chuckling] Carpenter... get it? Carpenter ant. See 'cause--

Joel

[horrified] Oh no...

Never mind.

Joel

You don't mean that...

Servo

Ant-orexic.

[laughs] See? Servo got it.

Servo

You know, ants can carry entire watermelons. And big chicken legs. Happened in The Flintstones.

I had a chicken leg once. I had to wear corrective shoes.

Servo

So Crow, if we ever get off this ship, what's the first thing you're going to do when we get to Earth?

Uh well the first thing I'm gonna do is kill Sandy Frank!

Servo

Oh, that's just a given!

I thought it was deep...

Joel

What did you think, Servo?

Servo

I thought it was pathetic.

So deep, we should've been wearing boots.

Servo

This made flying turtles look good.

Joel

Kind of a jack-o'-lantern monster.

Servo

[deadpan] Ooh, very scary. I'm trembling.

I think the prop department juuuust ran out of money.

1... 2...

3...

5...

What?!

6...

Joel

That's why they're in such trouble.

7... 4.

Well, they are British.

Joel

The plot thickens.

Servo

Like rancid pea soup.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Captain Walsh. If you'll look out your windows, you'll see a sight that very few except the astronauts have ever seen.

An oncoming plane.

Although the sky above remains black…

… our wing is completely on fire, not unlike re-entry.

Please, do something! We'll all be killed!

I guess she's in charge of panicking.

Okay, all the actors form a line! "Love Boat" on the left, "Fantasy Island" on the right!

There's nothing quite like it. Super Bowl. Three hours from now the game will be history, but the lives of the players and fans alike will never be the same.

Servo

[annoyed] Who won?

I know I'll never be quite the same.

Joel

This movie's history.

We're history.

Joel

Let's go.

Servo

Who won? ... Who won? ... Who won the game?!

Servo

Oh, good. ... It can happen in any city to any person. So wha–

Like Barry Newman.

Servo

So stop watching TV and get ready for the big huge fire! The apocalypse that could happen this Sunday night.

I bet this was made in Canada.

Servo

Oui.

Kinda sorry Shelley bought it.

Joel

Yeah... kinda of a shame.

Tom

She bought it, but we paid for it.