[A boy looks at routing tags while the teacher is explaining what the colors mean.]
BBoy
And blue, like this?
TTeacher
Well, that's rather unusual. We can talk about it later.
TTeacher
We'll talk about it later! Now come along, the class is waiting in the doppling room.
[The boy secretly switches a blue tag with a orange tag before leaving.]
Servo[chuckling] The littlest sexual deviant.
. . .
[Later, the boy switches Fingal's green routing tag with the blue one.]
Servo
There's your precious Canadian healthcare system at work. [N]
[On the name of "The Place"]
Formerly "That Other Place".
Servo
Yeah, they hired a huge consulting firm for millions of bucks, and this was the name they thought up.
. . .
Servo
Formerly "The Locale".
. . .
. . .
It's changed ownership. Now it's a gentleman's club.
[While stuck inside the NoviCorp computer, Fingal is told to go about his normal data processing routines.]
I can't take this anymore... I'm so bored!
[Mike and the bots all look around]
Servo
OK, which one of us said that?
. . .
Listen! We're nothing more than a byte in a giant computer!
MCMike, Crow, Servo [as co-workers]
[dully] I'm okay with that.
. . .
[Fingal holds up a bunch of cards and they turn into flowers.]
CACrow [as co-worker]
My coffee coupon!
...
If I'm in charge of what happens to me in here. I'm not going to go on being a zombie like all those zombies at work.
[Inside Fingal's virtual world, sim-Apollonia argues with Fingal about his "romance" with a simulated co-worker.]
If this one-handed exercise is all you can think of to do with your life...
...you're a very little man, and I'm very disappointed in you!
Servo
Is this still the Officially Sanctioned Boring Part?
. . .
It's a good thing we don't have to like each other, isn't it? Because you're definitely not my kind of woman!
[Apollonia slaps him.]
CACrow [as Fingal]
Well, now you are, actually.
. . .
Fingal... I want to do the right thing... I'm just not sure what that is...
Servo
Well, slapping him seemed like a good start!
[Fingal is trying to write a computer program while in the computer.]
CComputer
What is your access code?
Where do you want to go today? All over this movie, that's where I want to go.
CComputer
Invalid access. Quit or retry?
Servo
I'll take "Quit" for 25, Alex.
[During another simulation, Fingal has been sent to the Garden of Eden.]
MCMike, Crow, Servo
[singing to the background music] You can't always get what you want...
. . .
[Two tablets fall from the sky, and Fingal catches them.]
SAServo [as God]
Here's some more commandments I forgot.
[Fingal has successfully been allowed to redistribute finance.]
...couldn't save this film.
. . .
[At the Fat Man's office, cards begin flying out of nowhere.]
SAServo [as Fat Man]
I'm farting Monopoly cards!
Well, they're all getting credits where credits are due. [chuckles] Sorry.
[Fingal's identicube has destructed. Both Fingal and Rick are flying through a portal.]
. . .
Servo
You kidding? We'll have an electron sex party right now!
. . .
[Sim-Fingal flies by, arms open.]
[Sim-Rick flies by, his hands in his pockets.]
Servo
I don't care for you!
[Fingal (now Rick) is sending the chairman to rehab. Appalonia suggests "doppling" him into Daisy, the baboon Fingal was originally "doppled" as.]
Daisy's too good for the bastard. He's going on as an anteater!
Servo
Lay off the anteaters! Come on!
[Apollonia informs Fingal of the brain augmentation required before doppling]
W-- Wait a minute, I changed my mind. Some other time...
SAServo [as Apollonia]
You need to tinkle, Fingal?
SAServo [as Apollonia]
How 'bout some Pringles, Fingal?
MAMike [as Apollonia]
Just gonna band-saw the top of your head off.
[as Fingal attempts to court a simulated version of Felicia]
FFelicia
I am working, Mr. Fingal.
Listen, Felicia, why don't we just walk out of here, go back to my place, and make love?
Servo
Whoa! I wanna work in data entry!
FFelicia
Is that your idea of a joke?! Do you wanna get us fired?!
Not a satisfactory reply, Felicia. [rapidly waves his hands, causing the simulation to rewind]
Oh, there's a fly in here.
[as the simulation rewinds] What's that? Kill myself? Okay, not a problem. [begins to walk away]
Now then, shall we go back to my place and make love?
MAMike [as Felicia]
This is sexual harassment, and I'm gonna take it!
[Felicia smiles warmly and lets her hair down]
Whoa, look familiar, Mike? Well, probably not.
[Felicia throws her arms around Fingal]
FFelicia
Oh, I thought you'd never ask, big boy.
SAServo [as Fingal]
Well, I'm actually "size doesn't matter boy."
[as the Fat Man arrives on scene]
Ah! Hitler! ... or, a guy in a car.
Servo
Santa!
FMFat Man
I see I'm on time.
FMFat Man
I've taken the liberty of arranging for some papers for you, uh, passport, exit visa, that sort of thing.
CACrow [as Fat Man]
And I'm big-boned, by the way.
FMFat Man
Your most recent reports were very positive, Mr. Fingal.
FMFat Man
It would be very wise to think of traveling, and enjoying yourself.
Is that what you're gonna do, Fingal? Enjoy yourself?
MAMike [as Fingal]
Let's just get through the movie.
I don't have to be a big man. It was crazy of me to try reprogramming the HX368.
FMFat Man
Luckily you stopped in time.
[a plane starts nearby]
Servo
Da-dum da-dada-DIE! Da-dum da-dada-CRAP!
WWoman
Come on, Fingal! The plane is leaving!
You're gonna spend the rest of your life playing it straight?
FMFat Man
If you'd made anymore trouble for them, Mr. Fingal, they would have been forced to erase your existence here. That would have been most unfortunate.
Yeah? Well maybe I would have found my own way to get out.
[the Fat Man laughs]
CACrow [as Fat Man]
Oops! Sorry, burped up a capon.
... you think he's can't do it?
FMFat Man
I think he's a fool to risk everything for his silly games.
I guess that was what he was doing.
Servo
[gasp] Mike, he said "hell!"
FMFat Man
Your plane, Mr. Fingal. You don't want to miss it!
There's nothing more boring than playing it safe, Fingal.
FMFat Man
[opening his car] Let me accompany you to the plane, Mr. Fingal.
MAMike [as Fingal]
You... you anteater!
Better safe than dead, Rick.
That's a matter of opinion.
FMFat Man
Mr. Fingal, they're ready for takeoff!
[throwing the papers at the Fat Man] HERE, FAT MAN, YOU TAKE THE TRIP!
SAServo [as Fingal]
And yes, there's a meal.
FMFat Man
... You're a very foolish man, Mr. Fingal.
FMFat Man
From now on, whatever happens is your responsibility. Is that clear? [signals his driver to leave]
CACrow [as Fat Man]
To Wendy's!
I'm not leaving until I get the answers, do I make myself clear?
SAServo [as Dr. Stefanik]
Ah, let me review... you're going to leave right now, because you can't get the answers.
SDr. Stefanik
Yes. You've made yourself quite clear. [Walks away.]
CACrow [as Dr. Stefanik]
I'll go get the cot.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
