Fingal quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

I got 47 credits. What kind of a dopple do you think that buys?

An anteater... maybe.

Whoa, huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!

At least I'm not an anteater.

Mike

This movie just hates anteaters!

This cost me every credit I have?

Mike

He's gonna start flinging it any minute now!

I'm as clumsy as a stupid, repulsive anteater!

What happened to him? He looks drunk to me!

I'm on medication, okay?

I can't take this anymore... I'm so bored!

Servo

OK, which one of us said that?

I felt it, I don't...

Listen! We're nothing more than a byte in a giant computer!

[dully] I'm okay with that.

My coffee coupon!

If I'm in charge of what happens to me in here. I'm not going to go on being a zombie like all those zombies at work.

I'll be a better zombie!

If this one-handed exercise is all you can think of to do with your life...

Whoa!

...you're a very little man, and I'm very disappointed in you!

Servo

Is this still the Officially Sanctioned Boring Part?

It's a good thing we don't have to like each other, isn't it? Because you're definitely not my kind of woman!

Well, now you are, actually.

Fingal... I want to do the right thing... I'm just not sure what that is...

Servo

Well, slapping him seemed like a good start!

What're you gonna do?

I don't know. But I've got to get the hell out of here. NoviCorp isn't helping! So I guess I'm going to have to push my own buttons for a change.

Mike

Ah, you've been doing enough of that, mister!

The chairman's got really bad dandruff.

Mike

This is how much pure cocaine you would need to enjoy this movie.

I'm not making this up!

I'm not cleaning it up either!

Shut up, Fat Man!

You... you anteater!

Genius. Pure Genius.

...couldn't save this film.

I'm farting Monopoly cards!

Mike

Well, they're all getting credits where credits are due. [chuckles] Sorry.

W-- Wait a minute, I changed my mind. Some other time...

Sit down, Mr. Fingal.

You need to tinkle, Fingal?

Nothing to worry about.

How 'bout some Pringles, Fingal?

Trust me.

Just gonna band-saw the top of your head off.

I am working, Mr. Fingal.

Listen, Felicia, why don't we just walk out of here, go back to my place, and make love?

Servo

Whoa! I wanna work in data entry!

Is that your idea of a joke?! Do you wanna get us fired?!

Not a satisfactory reply, Felicia. [rapidly waves his hands, causing the simulation to rewind]

Mike

Oh, there's a fly in here.

[as the simulation rewinds] What's that? Kill myself? Okay, not a problem. [begins to walk away]

Mike

No no, stay.

Now then, shall we go back to my place and make love?

This is sexual harassment, and I'm gonna take it!

Whoa, look familiar, Mike? Well, probably not.

Mike

Hey...

Oh, I thought you'd never ask, big boy.

Well, I'm actually "size doesn't matter boy."

Mike

Ah! Hitler! ... or, a guy in a car.

Mr. Fingal!

Servo

Santa!

I see I'm on time.

For what, Fat Man?

I've taken the liberty of arranging for some papers for you, uh, passport, exit visa, that sort of thing.

And I'm big-boned, by the way.

Your most recent reports were very positive, Mr. Fingal.

Isn't that just great?

It would be very wise to think of traveling, and enjoying yourself.

Is that what you're gonna do, Fingal? Enjoy yourself?

Lay off, will you Rick?

Let's just get through the movie.

I don't have to be a big man. It was crazy of me to try reprogramming the HX368.

Luckily you stopped in time.

Servo

Da-dum da-dada-DIE! Da-dum da-dada-CRAP!

Come on, Fingal! The plane is leaving!

You're gonna spend the rest of your life playing it straight?

It's my only chance!

If you'd made anymore trouble for them, Mr. Fingal, they would have been forced to erase your existence here. That would have been most unfortunate.

Yeah? Well maybe I would have found my own way to get out.

Oops! Sorry, burped up a capon.

... you think he's can't do it?

I think he's a fool to risk everything for his silly games.

I guess that was what he was doing.

The hell I was!

Servo

[gasp] Mike, he said "hell!"

Your plane, Mr. Fingal. You don't want to miss it!

There's nothing more boring than playing it safe, Fingal.

[opening his car] Let me accompany you to the plane, Mr. Fingal.

Shut up, Fat Man!

You... you anteater!

Better safe than dead, Rick.

That's a matter of opinion.

Mr. Fingal, they're ready for takeoff!

[throwing the papers at the Fat Man] HERE, FAT MAN, YOU TAKE THE TRIP!

And yes, there's a meal.

MY COMPLIMENTS.

... You're a very foolish man, Mr. Fingal.

Lot of face.

From now on, whatever happens is your responsibility. Is that clear? [signals his driver to leave]

To Wendy's!