Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000, page 54 ... TV Quotes Database

Played by Kevin Murphy

Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes

2nd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,542 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Crow T. Robot (818), Mike Nelson (393), Joel Robinson (294)

Scenes with Tom Servo 1,241

[Talking about the advantage of easily taking inventory with the freezer]

NNarrator

One glance, and you know if the cabinet requires filling.

Servo

Just one glance, don't look back.

S6 The Dead Talk Back

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NNarrator

And notice how these convient horizontal wire shelves put your product always within buying range.

Servo

GIVE IT TO ME! GIMME!

NNarrator

They may be removed entirely for loading to full-cabient capacity.

CCrow

But don't put your tongue on it!

S6 The Dead Talk Back

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[Showing how a forced-air conditioner works]

NNarrator

This simplified sketch showing a cross-section of the cabinet...

Mike

...makes no sense.

. . .

CCrow

(Midwestern accent) Ah, better plug in the car.

. . .

Mike

(singing) And it comes out here...

. . .

Servo

WHERE'S MY ICE CREAM?!

S6 The Dead Talk Back

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[Over the "The End" card]

SAServo [as Ed McMahon]

And remember to buy Ed McMahon's Budweiser ice cream.

AAll

Hi-yo!

Mike

Leni Riefenstahl's most powerful film.

Servo

Hi-yo!

The Dead Talk Back (movie)

S6 The Dead Talk Back

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[Krasker is deep into a seance using a razor blade inside a wine glass.]

WWoman

I can't hear it clearly--

Servo

That's because it's A RAZOR BLADE IN A GLASS!!!

S6 The Dead Talk Back

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[The opening credits identify the heavy metal bands who contributed music to the soundtrack: Motorhead...]

Servo

Oh, Motorhead! I have their latest collection of Cole Porter tunes!

[...Girlschool...]

CCrow

Uh, that's Womanschool?

[...Thor...]

Servo

[lisping] Oh, I think Thor ith fabulouth.

[...Deathmask...]

Mike

Oh, Deathmask ! They played at my parents' anniversary party!

[...and Fist.]

Servo

And I saw Fist when they opened for Badfinger!

S6 Zombie Nightmare

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[Zombie Tony stumbles towards a college-like athletic building]

CACrow [as Tony]

Must... register... for... semester!

. . .

[The soundtrack is peppered with sporadic metallic clanging noises.]

Servo

Damn radiator!

CCrow

Soundtrack by John Cage.

S6 Zombie Nightmare

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DSDet. Sorrell

[on the issue of Bobby's murder] The kid was impaled with a baseball bat; I don't know how this James Earl guy could do it!

CCCapt. Churchman

Maybe James Earl has a great batting average.

Servo

But it's the R.B.Is that count, isn't it?

S6 Zombie Nightmare

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[After many days on a raft, Maciste pulls the sail aside to see land nearby.]

CCrow

Oh, it was behind the sail the whole time!

MMaciste

Land! Land!

SAServo [as Maciste]

It would be really great if we found some land!

MAMike [as Maciste]

It's... the wrong land, never mind, sorry.

S6 Colossus and the Headhunters

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[Two men grapple on a rope bridge and tumble over the side.]

Servo

Oh no! It's a horrible drop into...

[They land in the water, about two feet below the bridge.]

Servo

Oh. Heh.

. . .

[More soldiers tumble off the bridge, continuing to fight in the river.]

SAServo [as soldier]

Hey, this is fun! Whoopee!

Mike

And thus, synchronized swimming was invented!

S6 Colossus and the Headhunters

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[The beanstalk-thin villain, Kermes, is explaining his evil plans to Queen Amoa.]

KKermes

The fragile shoulders of a woman can not bear the burdens of a kingdom without assistance.

Mike

Pssh! He's talking about fragile shoulders.

KKermes

Maintaining a throne demands courage, wisdom, bravery, and cruelty...

Servo

And pants!

KKermes

And all the other virtues that only... a MAN could possibly possess.

CCrow

Well, at least you're not pompous.

. . .

KKermes

That is why you and I will rule together with me as your...

Servo

Dun-dun-dun!

KKermes

...advisor.

CCrow

Huh?!

. . .

[Queen Amoa rebukes Kermes as he looks on with a devastated look on his face.]

MAMike [as Kermes]

Why are you yelling at me? This is my greatest moment, stop it!

S6 Colossus and the Headhunters

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[Kermes ambushes Maciste and, in the ensuing fight, gets stabbed with his own sword.]

MAMike [as Maciste]

Wow, those sharp things really work!

. . .

Servo

And three quarters into the movie, Maciste finally does something!

S6 Colossus and the Headhunters

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[Sheriff Ben and Deputy Martin examine a spacecraft.]

SBSheriff Ben

It could be one of our missiles.

SAServo [as Martin]

This county has missiles, sir?

S6 The Creeping Terror

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NNarrator

The monster next appeared in Lovers' Lane.

MAMike [as Narrator]

…to a sold-out crowd!

NNarrator

Everyone who experienced that catastrophe and survived would never go there again.

SAServo [as Narrator]

And those who did not survive such a catastrophe also would not go there again.

S6 The Creeping Terror

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CCrow

[while the crew indulges in a coffee shop setting scenario, trying to avoid coming off as pretentious] It's definitely not working. ... [in a snobby tone] I've been recording my life in pastel!

Servo

The only question worth asking is "What am I going through right now?".

GGypsy

[as a in-house guitarist, towards Mike] You- the white male- are my personal oppressor. Oh my!

CCrow

Yes, she is so great! I saw her one-woman show; her soul cried out to me.

GGypsy

So I'll take my rage, and box it up, and take it out with the trash!

Mike

Thanks a lot, Dr. Forrester; see what you've done? You turned my friends into a bunch of self-absorbed poseurs!

GGypsy

A white male middle-class power holder would say that, Mike!