Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Servo

[while he and Mike stage a parody vignette of "Love, American Style", holding a wedding ring] Well, I'm finally going to propose to Debbie!

Mike

That's great; let's see the ring. [puts it on his finger, and it gets stuck] The ring's stuck!

Servo

I guess we'll have to get married! [chuckles as he and Mike kiss]

Here I come, Tommy!

Servo

Okay, buddy. Slide right down!

Mike

Crow! What in the world are you doing?! [Mike pulls Crow out of Gypsy's mouth]

Hey, hey! Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! OW! Right on my hip!

Mike

Come on up here!

Thanks, Mike. I hope you don't think that was my idea.

Mike

No, I think I know whose idea it was. [peeks inside Gypsy's mouth] Hey, Tom!

Servo

Hey, Mike! See if you can get her to swallow you. It's really neat!

[embarrassed] Oh, This is so embarrassing... I don't look fat, do I?...

Mike

No, Gypsy. You don't look fat. You're a little lumpy, maybe, but not fat.

Oh, this is embarrassing...

Servo

Come on! Hop in and experience the alimentary canal in action. It's the ultimate trip!

Mike

Uh, no thanks. I think I'll pass. Anyway, we got letters to read here.

You know, Mike, I don't feel very well all of the sudden. I think I'm getting allergic to Tom...

Join the club, Gypsy.

I think I'll go get a tissue... [slowly slithers away]

Mike

Is Velveeta a member of the National Dairy Council?

Servo

Naw, Velveeta's a splinter group.

George and Andy help Bill feed the pigs every day…

Day after life-sucking day.

Servo

Ah! Hello. Welcome to tonight's Mystery… Murder… Dinner… Party--

I did it!

CROW!

[of Pearl Forrester's influence on Clay] Now I understand why he's so sick! Boy, I'm tempted to call her something that rhymes with 'bitch'! Oh, I mean 'witch'!

Servo

She said the word! Gypsy's in trouble; Gypsy's in trouble!

This is the fairground, where the fair is held.

Servo

Any questions so far?

Into the truck goes one of the calves that Johnny Olson has raised.

Tell us what they've won, Johnny Olson! [N]

Servo

Pickles pack the stands for the pickle races!

What's this?

EVIL!

Judging cakes oughta be fun.

… but this woman sucks the joy out of it!

Watch the boy on the left. His heart's about to explode! Waaait...

Over at the 4-H Booth, they get fried chicken with all the trimmings!

[confused] What, tinsel, little lights?

Servo

This is an actual 4-H feeding frenzy.

Other fairgoers like to picnic on the grass like this.

Grazing in the grass is a gas. Baby, can you dig it?

Bob still has lots to see. This is a jet plane.

Where's the corn go?

Wonder what it would be like to fly it?

...over Cambodia, secretly maintaining plausible deniability. [N]

Get the car! There's carrots in the car!

Carrots? I love carrots!

Mike

A wheel slices into the crowd, killing three!

[quietly, as if off in distance] Aiieee...

Servo

Still, nothing measures up to those bass, huh?

They're into the curb.

Servo

And they're into jazz.

Come on, you chunk of dog food, I got a year's allowance on ya!

Uh, hey guys, wait up!

The race is over.

And The Oak Ridge Boys take the stage.

Dad, I owe Big Lenny 42 large!

Well, this is a very nice place, I can see why families would want to--

AAAAAAAAH!

Servo

This is so almost Mitchell.

It's about fifty pounds short of Mitchell.