[An example of Crow Syndrome.]
Well, anyway, with double entendre, you can say just about anything, Tom. Like: [suggestively] "Say -- does this TV have a remote? Mmmmm!"
ServoOh-ho-ho, I see! How 'bout: [suggestively] "Say -- check out the arms on this jumpsuit!" Right?
Servo
All right, yeah!
[suggestively] "As far as I know, Lincoln's not President anymore!"
Servo
Ah-ooh! Oo-hoo-hoo-hoo! [suggestively] "She came back from the store with a bag of apples, and a loaf of bread!"
I got one. "If the van's a rockin', don't come knock--"
Ah, Crow! Crow. That's a little bit more direct than what we were talking about.
[Timmy mutters something else into Crow's ear.]
H-here's one! "A grinder in der--"
Oh. Well, I'm not sayin' it -- it's, it's Timmy who's sayin' it.
Well, listen, I think you better learn how to play with each other, all right?
Servo
[suggestively] Say, Joel… we got Commercial Sign!
[suggestively] And now, a word from our sponsor. Poom!
She's built like a brick shi--
[There is a scuffle as Servo battles Timmy after getting agitated by him]
Hey! Tom, what the hell? You didn't tell me that Tommy was in here!
He's not supposed to be in the theater, y'know!
All right, knock it off, there's no rough-housing in here!
Servo
I'm choking! I'm choking! I'm choking! Choking! Ahhh! H-He-Help! HE-MMMMPH!
{Servo's muffled sobs and cries of 'HMMMMMLPH!']
Joel, he's trying to kill Tom Servo!
You go out to the bridge, stay frosty! I've got a plan!
[Crow exits stage left; Joel stage right, which leads to...]
[On the SOL bridge, Servo is trapped in an Alien-like cocoon, while Crow fights Timmy.]
Servo
[moaning] Kill me! Kill me! Kil-- [normally] Uh, say, Crow? Could you please kill me?
I'm a little busy now, Servo!
. . .
[As Joel and Crow try to expel Timmy from the SOL…]
Servo
Okay, don't kill me! Sure could go for a sammich, though!
Tom Servo
Oh! Ow! Now, that does it! Come here, you. [He lunges at Timmy]
Hey, Tom. What the hell? Hey, you didn't tell us Tommy was in here.
He's not supposed to be in the theater, you know. You knock it off! There's no roughhousing in here. I'm telling you.
Tom Servo
I'm choking! I'm choking! Help! [Timmy gags him] Help! [Servo's muffled sobs for help continue]
Joel, I think Timmy is trying to kill Tom Servo!
Yeah, that's right. Go to the bridge. Stay frosty. I've got a plan, okay?
Johnny even got to the midway for a ride, but the fun didn't last nearly long enough.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Johnny's car rolled and burned.
There were displays from all over the world, from countries Johnny was just learning about. Fine porcelain from France. Riches from the Orient. Silks and pearls from India.
Simulated culture like Disneyland.
..."A baseball game, oh boy." But when he gets there he finds a five-year-old can't get close enough to see anything.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Besides, the Mariners are playing, so who cares?
Unless someone lifts you up and put you on the lap of the undefeated champion of the world, Joe Louis.
CACrow [as Narrator]
Joe hits Johnny up for fifteen cents due to tax problems.
[Johnny spots a flying helicopter.]
"Oh, boy. A heel-a-copter airplane!"
Servo
What?
"Jiminy," thinks Johnny, "if only I could get a ride in one of those."
SAServo [as Narrator]
Visions of the Mekong Delta flash before Johnny's eyes.
[Champion figure skater Barbara Ann Scott gives Johnny a peck on the cheek. Embarrassed, he puts his head on her chest.]
CACrow [as Narrator]
"Jiminy," thinks Johnny, "if only I could get a ride in one of those."
Johnny does find a real aeroplane… and gets his ride.
SAServo [as Narrator]
Johnny thinks Amelia Earhart seems like a nice lady.
The Rebel Set (movie)
[slowly] "A train leaves a station at 2PM, going 90 miles an hour. Another train leaves another station going the opposite direction at 5PM going 60 miles an hour. How long before they meet?"
Oh, Gypsy, that is everything great literature should be: according to Merritt Stone.
Servo
[offscreen] HE'S NOT MERRITT STONE!
[Super-spy Martin sees the statuesque Dr. Lin Yung standing in one of a pair of huge birdcage-like duplication cells.]
Ah! It's Malibu Barbie Torture Chambers!
Servo
Neat!
[Cut to close-up on Dr. Yung.]
CACrow [as Dr. Yung]
[in "Chinese" accent] Hi. I am new Asian Barbie.
[In the duplication chamber next to the real Dr. Yung, a skeleton slowly becomes something resembling a life-size blow-up doll.]
Servo
Huh. Well, kinda close, I suppose.
[The camera zooms in on Dr. Yung.]
CACrow [as Dr. Yung]
[in "Chinese" accent] Do I really look like that?
Oh, come on, Doc! Did your kid make that thing?
I sing the Body Pathetic! Heh.
[Gradually, a very pale form resembling Dr. Yung materializes.]
Servo
Uh… I think you need more toner!
[The form slowly darkens to reveal an identical copy of Yung.]
Heh heh heh. Heh! Hunan Duplicators!
Right! 'Cause they're identical Suzie Wongs?
Yeah! Yeah. 'Cause two Wongs don't make a--
[The title "Circus on Ice" shows onscreen]
You got your circus on my ice!
Hey, you got your ice on my circus!
Servo
Two bad things that go worse together!
[Referencing a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups ad campaign.]
[A group of women skaters dressed as Zebras come on screen, and are described as actual animals.]
Servo
We're gettin' into a whole weird area, here.
CACrow [as Narrator]
Yes, it's sexist male fantasies on ice!
. . .
And now, the little bareback rider exhalts in her victory over the wild beasts!
Servo
[nervously chuckling] Uh-huh...
. . .
SAServo [as Narrator]
Yes, it's dehumanized, objectified circus on ice!
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
