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S4

Mystery Science Theater 3000 · Season 4

“Monster A Go-Go” quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

19 quotes · page 1 of 2

“Monster A Go-Go” · Season 4

In this episode: Crow T. Robot (11), Tom Servo (10), Joel Robinson (9), Narrator (4), Logan (2)

[The title "Circus on Ice" shows onscreen]

You got your circus on my ice!

Hey, you got your ice on my circus!

Two bad things that go worse together!

[Referencing a Reese's Peanut Butter Cups ad campaign.]

[Two pink tutu'd skaters perform a synchronized skating routine to a light, cheery tune.]

SServo

[singing]

These two girls, they make quite a pair.

They both come from your worst night-mare.

They will haunt your soul forever,

And now,

When you see pink,

You're gonna think,

"We're doomed".

They are agents of Satan...

[laughing] Okay, stop it, Tom...

[A group of women skaters dressed as Zebras come on screen, and are described as actual animals.]

We're gettin' into a whole weird area, here.

CACrow [as Narrator]

Yes, it's sexist male fantasies on ice!

. . .

And now, the little bareback rider exhalts in her victory over the wild beasts!

[nervously chuckling] Uh-huh...

. . .

SAServo [as Narrator]

Yes, it's dehumanized, objectified circus on ice!

[A skater portrays a fawn trying vainly to escape from hunters.]

Prelude to the afternoon of a murder.

. . .

CACrow [as Child]

Oh, Mom, I don't wanna... [gulps] I don't like the Circus on Ice anymore! I wanna go home!

SAServo [as Mother]

Shut up and watch the deer get slaughtered! It's fun!

. . .

Oh, and she skates over her own intestines.

[The camera pans down from the spotlights to some skating ballerinas.]

And now, the spotlight falls on a world of delicate loveliness...

CACrow [as Narrator]

...and kills them.

Monster A Go-Go (movie)

[Over the film's title]

Monster A Go-Go? I thought this was gonna be Munster Go Home!

. . .

You know, guys, I got a feeling this is gonna be a tough one.

Oh, it might not be too bad...

No, I think Joel's right, this one has "stinkburger" written all over it.

Yeah...

[sighs indignantly] C'mon, you can't tell just from the credits!

No, no, it's a feeling I have. My gut instincts tell me that this is gonna hurt real bad.

Joel, it's not healthy to have such a negative attitude right out of the gate.

It's just common sense, Crow. There's a feeling of incompetence already in the air here.

Yeah, we might as well face up to it...

Well, I refuse to give in so soon! I'm gonna riff away like it's nobody's business! ...I-I can't think of anything now, but...

[The credits mention that the film's music was performed by a group called The Other Three; part of the credit is cut off by the side of the screen.]

[reading] The Other Th?

[The credits list Bill Rebane as the film's producer; his name reappears as the film's director.]

[enthusiastically] Hey, what a coincidence, there were two guys named Bill Rebane! Heh heh...y'know, ya see, 'cause of the thing with the... and the... uh, the guy, the... [deflating] This is gonna suck.

[A scientist is walking up a flight of stairs with music playing.]

Hey, its the musical stairs from the science museum.

[Dr. Logan just gets through talking on the phone and he looks distraught]

JAJoel [as Dr. Logan]

That's it. I'm dead. I'm a dead man. I'm a dead man walking, and talking and wearing clothes, that's how dead I am. I'm dead.

[Dr. Brent tries to find out why Dr. Logan didn't tell him he had the monster in one of his radiation labs for the last eight weeks]

BDr. Brent

Why didn't you tell us then?

I don't know. I was trying to help.

[whining] I was just trying to help.

BDr. Brent

Help? You've jeopardized this whole project!

What the hell do you want from me, Dr. Brent?! I don't have a precision mind like yours!

CACrow [as Dr. Logan]

I'm only a scientist!

[Close up on a phone when a ringing sound (made by a person offscreen) goes off]

[in disbelief] Unbelieveable...

[Tom bursts out into laughter]

Hello? [A pause] Yes?

CACrow [as Dr. Logan]

I made that phone noise.

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