A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Crow T. Robot
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
Most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,660 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Tom Servo (818), Mike Nelson (376), Joel Robinson (271)
[A tarantula that's been exposed to the "goo" grows to a humongous size; it growls as it corners the film's stars.]
Spiders don't growl, even that big.
I guess you can't really prove that when they're that big, they don't growl.
[defensively] I liked Willow.
Hey, y'know, Ron must've gotten directing tips from Bert I.
That's why he made Willow.
Hey, I liked Willow!
[The teens try to lasso the legs of the giant teens' leader, in a very poor special effect involving large mannequin legs.]
Oh, come on! The effects in Willow were better than this!
Hey, you liked Willow!
I-- huh?
[as Genius figures out a formula to bring the giants back to their normal size]
Wolf, I have some quite astounding news for you...
Yeah, Willow sucked!
Hey, now that was gratuitous.
[as the teens find themselves back by their wrecked car after being chased out of town]
Well, we got a long, long, long walk.
Uh, beg your pardon. Are you people coming from Hainesville?
Uh, you can call me Ray, or you can call me Ray.
Yes, we're coming from Hainesville.
Is that the place where they have the Goo?
Yes, that's the place where they have the Goo.
Thank you so much.
[a line of short people is seen walking by the teens towards Hainesville]
Ha. One last offensive thing to leave you with, folks.
The shamed cast of Terror of Tiny Town meets the shamed cast of Village of the Giants.
[the ending title card appears]
Ah, so... that's it?! Wasn't much of a payoff! We waited all this time for THAT?! [the ending credits begin to play with the all-too-familiar footage of the giant teens dancing] NO!!!
No, no, no!
Coming back to this is like getting your face smashed into a giant turkey.
Or maybe this is what it would feel like if you had rubber bands around your eyeballs.
No, it's like wearing William Conrad's underpants with a balaclava!
[the crew gags]
It's like a lingering kiss with your bearded aunt!
It's like waking up, rolling over, and seeing Jim Varney! AHHH!!! [runs out of the theater]
It's like being trapped inside your own gym bag!
It's like being trapped inside Jim Begg!
I want a Corvette!
[singing] I don't give a tin sh...!
I thought you would!
That's why I entered your head!
[singing] I want a Pontiac, too!
Man, she's a high-maintanence date!
[singing] This Buick's a beaut!
[singing] I'll Try it!
She's going to roll it!
[Mike and Tom Servo gasp]
[In her dream, the woman emerges from behind a pillar, prancing in a sporty blouse and short skirt, waving a tennis racket.]
Aaah! It's a salute to Mr. B Natural!
Oh, no, no, no!
[She dances back to the pillar, then emerges in tartan trousers, energetically twirling a golf club.]
This would be the "up" part of her manic mood swings, I'm guessing.
Oh-ho-ho...
Man, it is gonna take her forever to write this dream down.
[She goes behind the pillar again and emerges this time in a pink bathing suit and straw sun hat.]
. . .
I wonder what Freud would make of that sun hat!
Well, sometimes a sun hat is just a sun hat.
[The woman removes a birthday cake from a futuristic oven.]
My cake is ready.
I call no way!
Uh-uh. Candles and everything...
Happy Birthday, Wanda June.
[Now in a gown, the woman is lifted to a stage before a crowd below.]
And now, a glamorous dancer and a special number: "Dance of Tomorrow"!
Chorus Line 2: The Wrath of Chaka Khan!
. . .
Everyone says the future is strange, but I have a feeling some things won't change.
[The crowd claps along, but to a slower beat.]
Give us Cyd Charisse!
While she's dancing, the Japanese are making great cars.
Cindy Williams is Twyla Tharp as Isadora Duncan in The Meredith Monk Story: A One-Woman Show!
Co-starring Tom Bosley.
As Bosley.
[The narrator introduces fashion models posing next to the Dream Cars Of Tomorrow. Each car is shown between shots of fireworks.]
With Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows...
Bonnie and Clyde's death car!
. . .
With Art Carney and Joyce Randolph...
Fonzie's death car.
Ay.
. . .
Pregnant woman and schnauzer optional.
Entire production supervised by Jackie Gleason.
. . .
The "Closed Three Plants" car.
Executive producer, Jack Philbin.
The Schick electric razor car!
. . .
Costume by Emilio of Capri!
Unfettered avarice by Madison Avenue!
...in The Honeymooners!
[A broad-grilled car is shown next.]
GRRR! RRRRrrrR!
. . .
Clown suit by Bargain Clown of Hollywood.
[The Dancing Woman and the Mystery Man drive away on the Highway of Tomorrow. Throughout the ride, the gang makes noises like "The Jetsons".]
Look. Dead raccoon of tomorrow.
[The music becomes very etherial and dreamlike.]
[singing] Tomorrow... tomorrow...
[singing, a la Elmer Fudd] With my sword and magic helmet...
. . .
That's where President Barbi Benton lives with Prime Minister Jim J. Bullock.
. . .
Automatic freeway. You build it.
. . .
Someone invent rock and roll, please!
. . .
Future may not be available as seen. Personal fates may vary. Future not available in Africa, India, or Central South America.
. . .
Ah, there's probably some giant kid standing off, holding a control.
[The film starts over the Columbia Pictures logo.]
Lady!
Hey, lady!
Hey, down here, lady!
Love this lady.
She's in everything.
[Over the opening title]
Doughnuts?
No, no, no.
Oh, you're goin' to the moon, all right!
[The elderly Secretary General of the International Space Order addresses the world by radio/telecast.]
At this moment...
I may die!
... over two billion people...
... have been served.
… in every part of the world, are focusing their attention on this program.
... and my rump.
Every nation of the Earth, in a magnificent effort, is contributing of its people and resources, in an attempt to reach the Moon, and proclaim it...
... dolphin-safe!
... international territory.
... and House of Pancakes.
. . .
God be with you.
And also with you.
Tom ServoKevin Murphy · 1,542 quotes
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.