Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Hey! Whadda ya think I am, Tippi Hedren? Get outta here!

Kabob and Ka-Steve!

I'm a lamp.

[as Joe's Angel] Are you George Bailey? Sorry; wrong film.

[musing to himself over the Judge's closing statement in the short- "Are you qualified to pass judgement on Joe?"] Qualified? Hm, what a question. Me- Crow T. Robot- am I qualified? That's a heavy burden. I'm just a simple bot, alone as it were in the vast universe... thing. Could I make a difference? Can I make a difference?

Hey, Cambot; bring the screen in a little, and play that moody music. [jaunty contemplative music plays] What would Joel do in a situation like this? Ah, no- no, I've got to learn to think for myself; to stand on my own two foot-like appendages. Think globally, act locally. Yes, by God, I can do it! Why I... I could start a letter writing campaign, or I could organize a bake sale. Hey... [adressing the viewers] We can all help! C'mon friends, run to your window and shout "I'm really cheesed, and I'm not just gonna wait around 'til things get better"! Go do guerilla theater in the food court of your mall; or dress a little differently, make it more exciting for you and your spouse. Here's an idea, toss some Cajun spice into the party mix and watch the fun. Put on a one-man show and cover the sordid biographical details of your warped adolescense and then watch the grant money come in; but don't snap-judge me.

[continuing] Parade up and down the streets in your underwear! Impose your ideals on others- it's easy; crush someone with an emotional word or enigmatic look. You decide, you do it... I'm sick of this! I can't make a decision; I'm no good at this sort of thing! It's up to you. I'm passing the buck to you. And now we've got Commercial Sign. [as he calms himself down and the music fades out] Oh, the pain, the pain... [sighs]

[as scientist/Martin Brody] I'm gonna get a bigger shoe. We're gonna get a bigger shoe, right?

Hey, corn...CORN?!?

Those kids at school -- they tease you, Kenny. Because they['ve] never tasted hell. Today, we turn the tables!

Do you realize a robot just sang a love song to a turtle?

Oh, bless you.

[startled] Was he mooing?

Welcome to this week's edition of Eat the Press.

I'll show her! I'm gonna grow up to break up The Beatles!

Someone wants to admit that they wrote this?

Oh look, it's Shelly Winters and Ernest Borgnine.

My piece of wood! It died so that we might live.