Crow T. Robot quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

Forty percent of car accidents are caused by... women's hinders!

[As patrolman] I'd tuck you in, but you're dead.

I have a feeling one of these characters is about to see their own intestines!

Call me Ishmael... I was born in a house my father built... The minute Yossarian...

[sings] I've written a letter to Daddy...

Ho ho ho! There's a dollar in every one! My chain letter scam worked!

[upon seeing an animatronic Santa] That's some good old-fashioned nightmare fuel.

The NRA nightmare.

You know, I had a near-death experience like this.

I hope this is a rebuttal to Roger And Me.

Just because it's futuristic doesn't mean it's practical.

Let's see, where should I be looking right now...?

But I need a stove.

[as a TV announcer] Tonight's episode: "The Dead Go Fishing" with special guest star Robert Culp.

And m' wife...came downstairs...her face...was split! Hah hah hah...razzim frazzim...

Hey, I just realized something: They NEVER talked to the dead!