Clay Puppington quotes from Moral Orel

Bloberta

I'm not throwing out your breakfast again, it's a waste. And God hates waste

Orel

He does?

Bloberta

Yes. Why do you think He won't even throw the devil away?

Clay

Your mother's right, Orel. What's more, your track coach, Mr. Stopframe, has just sent me a 12 page letter.

Orel

What does it say?

Clay

Oh, many many things...but here on page 7, he mentions you.

Orel

Oh, but why did he send you--

Clay

He says that you've been coming in with slower and slower times at practice.

Orel

What else does he write about Dad?

Clay

Well, that's all as far as you're concerned.

Clay

Orel, I want you to stay away from that person

Orel

But dad, she has such a warm attitude

Clay

"Warm attitude?" You kids today and your slang

Orel

But it's true, she's very pleasant

Clay

Son, she's only pleasant because she is different. When you're normal like the rest of us in Moralton, you have the luxury of being unpleasant.

Clay

Your friendship and loyalty to Joe led you to hurting other people.

Orel

Yeah…those boys in the forest…

Clay

No, I’m talking about your three real friends: Doughy, Tommy and the rest!

Clay

Okay, boys, alright. Well, thanks. I'll handle it.

Doughy

You're not gonna hit them, are you, Mr. Puppington?

Clay

Oh, Doughy, God wants us to beat our kids when they're bad.

Doughy

He does?

Clay

Yes.

Doughy

Why?

Clay

Because....[Walks off]

Clay

That kid gets more action than I do.

Bloberta

I'm still weaning him, Clay.

Clay

Bloberta, he's seven! He should not be using your milk to wash down his meatloaf, which I pay for by working that stinking dead-end job!

Bloberta

I'm so sick of your complaining. Why don't you just quit your job and quit being such a crybaby?

Clay

Oh, thanks for the sympathy! You have never been on my side!

Bloberta

Why would I be on the side of a self destructive alcoholic?

Clay

I can't believe I gave you the privilege of satisfying me every night

Bloberta

Have a good day at school, dear.

Orel

[Under his breath] Eh, have a good day, yourself.

Bloberta

Hmm, now where have I seen that behaviour before? [To Clay] Have a good day at work, dear.

Clay

[Under his breath] Eh, have a good day, yourself.

Clay

Oh son, behaving like a grown up is many things. First and for most, it means doing things that you hate doing.

Orel

Like what, pop?

Clay

Well, like dealing with people who make you unhappy, being stressed about things you have no control over, working soul-numbing jobs.

Orel

Oh.

Clay

Then gradually as we endure these hardships and accept them as normal, that's when we finally earned the right to get drunk and be emotionally distant from our families.

Clay

Love is a very beautiful, very intense feeling for a startling short period of time. Before long, you realize it gets in the way of the important things in life; like, just going to sleep or being left alone. That's when love starts fading and lies kick in.

Orel

But how long does it actually take for love to fade?

Clay

Oh, quicker than you think, kid, quicker than you think.

Orel

Coach Stopframe?

Oh, hi, Orel.

Orel

Whatcha got there?

Mmm, nothing, just a picture. Oh, hey, Orel, do you think that you could get me a little bit of your dad's hair?

Orel

Sure! What for?

Well, I...want to buy him a new comb and I need to see what gauge teeth to get on it.

Clay

Orel, are you planning to buy me a new comb?

Clay

Well, it was either that or you're gonna put a Satanic spell on me. And that's just not in your character.

Clay

Orel why are you sifting through the vacuum bag so early in the morning?

Orel

Oh, is it that early?

Clay

Yes, and I haven't even finished my 3rd drink yet.

Orel

Hey, Dad, can I talk to you?

Clay

Sure! [angrily] In my study!

Orel

OK!

Clay

You don't seem at all nervous, young man.

Orel

But I didn't do anything wrong.

Clay

Oh, right. Well, I guess my belt can have the day off. [He takes off his belt to hang it up and his pants fall down] Darn it.

Orel

Dad?

Clay

Where? I mean- Here for ya!

Orel

I’m sure finding it hard trying to avoid all of the devils pleasure traps

Clay

Ah, don’t worry, son. When you get older and have a family, you’ll find that leading a virtuous and pleasure-free life comes as easy as waking up in the morning.

Bloberta

Clay, I’m setting your couch alarm so you’re not late for work again tomorrow!

Clay

[mockingly] Fine! [to Orel] Okay, it’s a lot easier than waking up in the morning.

Our Father, who/which art... [Everyone stops, slightly confused, then resumes] ...in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses/debts... [everyone stops again, more conscious, and then continue cautiously forward] ...as we forgive those who trespass/our debtors...

Clay

Debtors?!

Trespassers?!

What are you, nuts?! Get out!/Let's go!

Well, you think you know someone!

Get up, kids. I can't believe you would expose my children to this without my consent!

Clay

Your children? What about my kid, he's only nine!

Orel

Twelve.

Bloberta

Please, just leave!

Gladly!

Clay

You don't even understand what the Lord's Prayer means!

How dare you!? Forgive your debtors!

Clay

Forgive your trespassers!

You owe me a bottle of wine!

Clay

GET OFF MY PROPERTY!! (Slams the door)

Yay! Break!

Clay

Orel! Look what you let in [Hits Block with a fly-squatter] Skat Shapey! Shoo shoo!

Orel

Dad, that's not Shap--

Clay

What's up son?

Clay

Ah, yes, "turn the other cheek" - the war cry of the fraidy-cats. Orel, the phrase "turn the other cheek" has been mis-used ever since violence became out of style.

Orel

It has?

Clay

Sure! That phrase should only be used when someone insults you or makes jokes about your wife. Then you should just grin and bear it. Even laugh if it's funny!