Doughy Latchkey quotes from Moral Orel

Doughy

Come on, Orel. We don't wanna be late for Bible Youth Fun Club. You know how intolerant they can all be.

Doughy

Boy Orel, I sure do have a great life! Always getting to do what I want and never having to worry about getting germs from hugging my parents or anything.

Doughy

Hey Orel, wanna come over to my house and play?

Orel

Can I, mom?

Bloberta

Alright, but don't take any rides from strangers

Orel

Why?

Orel

Oh, right. Well goodbye.

Orel

Boy, Doughy, Reverend Putty's sermon today sure made me think.

Doughy

Orel! You know you're not supposed to think when it comes to God and faith!

Orel

I know but-

Doughy

Hey, let's cut through the cemetery!

Orel

Okay.

Doughy

It's always so pretty. Do you think it's because dead people make good fertilizer?

Orel

Hmmmmm...maybe. But they sure make bad Christians.

Doughy

Is being a policeman scary?

No, son, I’m never scared when I’m out on the beat; because I have the best backup team out there, Officer’s God and Jesus. I know God protects me from all danger and Jesus guides my bullets straight into the brains and lungs of lawless slime.

Clay

Okay, boys, alright. Well, thanks. I'll handle it.

Doughy

You're not gonna hit them, are you, Mr. Puppington?

Clay

Oh, Doughy, God wants us to beat our kids when they're bad.

Doughy

He does?

Clay

Yes.

Doughy

Why?

Clay

Because....[Walks off]

Doughy

Wow, Orel, you're the best detective ever!

Orel

No, Doughy, the best detective of all was King Solomon. He cleverly deduced that a mother never wants her baby cut in half.

Doughy

Oh yeah, that was some caper!

Orel

Gosh, my mom’s treating those people like they’re her family.

Doughy

I don’t know, Orel. It looks she’s just ignoring them and fed up and not happy at all to be here.

Orel

Exact… ly…

Doughy

Uh, I think I’m gonna go home.

Orel

[sadly] Bye, Doughy.

Doughy

Is sin radioactive?

Rev. Putty

Yes. That's why it's dangerous to get it near your groin.

Doughy

Yikes!

The crusades took place during the Dark Ages, which was a very pious and righteous time in our history. Doughy?

Doughy

But the Dark Ages sound scary.

Well, they're not. "Dark" in this case, means something more like "shade" and "shelter." To be in a cool, dark place away from the oppressive heat of blinding enlightenment.

Orel

Wow look, it's the fictional missing link from the ghost book.

Doughy

Say, that should take care of our coincidence badges!

Orel

And our melting badges! (sprays an aerosol can)

Doughy

Yippee!

Orel

Gee, Mr. Creepler's been parked outside of your house for hours now.

Doughy

I know. He keeps asking me to get in the back of his boring old ice-cream van.

Orel

Well maybe he's just lonely and needs a friend.

Doughy, I wanted to thank you for that trip to Paris. The city of love to hate.

Doughy

It was my pleasure.

Good, because here's a few other things you can get me for your pleasure. (gives Doughy a long list of gift ideas)

Doughy

After I get you all these things, then can we go steady?

(writing on the blackboard) Well, if you get me all these things plus other things then that equals maybe.

Doughy

[As a snake-like belt] come here, Orel, while your pulling your pants up from my spanking!

Doctor Potterswheel

Is his dad molesting him?

Clay

What?!

Orel

Gee, Joe completely changed the meaning of everything I wrote

Doughy

Gosh Orel, that's too bad

Orel

I guess some things get misinterpreted

Doughy

Like what?

Orel

Hmm...not sure [Scratches his head with the Bible]

Doughy

Did you see God? What did you learn?

Orel

Oh, I learnt all about Heaven. And guess what, it's not at all like we thought it was.

Orel

It's still a little fuzzy, though, but I think I can remember if I really try--

Clay

[covering Orel's mouth] We're all just fuzzy--

Orel

No, wait! I remember!

Clay

[covering Orel's mouth] That's because what Orel saw was fuzzy clouds and fuzzy angels. Isn't that right, son?

Orel

Uh... I don't think so...

Clay

Well, let me help you remember... in my study! [Pause] Come on, gulp for me, son. [Orel gulps] Atta, boy!