Doctor Potterswheel quotes from Moral Orel

Bloberta

I hate you Jesus,

Clay

You rotten little fink,

Your sermon never pleases,

Doctor Potterswheel

And all your parables all stink,

Your eyes are beady, nose is weird, a goofy basket case,

I'd like to take that stupid beard and rip it off your face!

Prancing gayly on the water, a long haired scrawny clod, you maybe someone's daughter but you sure ain't the son of....

[In church] Ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-God, I hate you Jesus, with your boring miracles, you smell like a hundred cheeses have been shoved right up...shoved right up...shoved right up my nose!!

Orel

Wow! Everybody sure hates Jesus! Whoops...

Doughy

[As a snake-like belt] come here, Orel, while your pulling your pants up from my spanking!

Doctor Potterswheel

Is his dad molesting him?

Clay

What?!

Dr. Potterswheel

Look, we've all given Orel guidance over the years, it is my considered opinion that the child may have been... misled.

Rev. Putty

Guys, wait! It sounds weird, but maybe Dr. Potterswheel's right. What if we... don't know what we're talking about?

Clay

Well, well, well, Dr. Quentin Xavier Potterswheel!

Potterswheel

Clay.

Clay

Hey, Doc, we were just talking about ex-wives.

Potterswheel

Uh, I'm a widower.

Clay

Oh, right, right. Must be nice to lose a wife to sickness and death instead of her just plain ol' getting sick of you.

Potterswheel

No... Not so nice, especially when you're a doctor.

Clay

She just loved those painkillers! Probably didn't even realize she was infected, right Doc?

Potterswheel

She was... quite comfortable when she passed.

Clay

"Numb", some call it! Now, me and Jesus, we like to feel the pain. Tell me, doc. Did some of those painkillers protect her against you?

Potterswheel

What does that mean?

Clay

You know. The pain. Of you. Day in, day out, being there. With that face. Not knowing what to say. Not caring anymore. Not even knowing that you'll probably only care about her when it's finally too late. Forgetting about all those desperate- those desperate years you spent alone, your barren years when no woman would even consider resting her tired head on your shaky little shoulder. Stinking of belly semen. Why even wipe? And when you finally get one of these... [Points at Dolly and imitates a fanfare] ...coveted pieces of tail that have been built up as the grand trophy in your nothing life, you try desperately to keep it. Not to protect it! But to hoard it. To keep it away from the other wolves and jackals circling your territory! And you realize, all too soon, that you're not good enough! That maybe there was a jerk-off called Darwin after all. And that you never acknowledged his existence because you knew deep inside that you were really what you feared you were-- weak. And passive. And ultimately, broken by the ones who were made the fittest. And that through your weaknesses, you built up a poison that poisoned others around you. [About to cry] That you love. And the only true justice was to let those dominant jackals feed on you. Survive off you. [Potterswheel wipes his brow nervously with a handkerchief] If that one gets too sweaty, I've got an extra one for ya.

Potterswheel

Uh...

Clay

Oh, come on. It's a nice one.

Clay, maybe the doctor would like to be left alone.

Clay

Oh, is that so? Well maybe you would like to put those slutty little breasts of yours right in my kisser! [Officer Papermouth puts a hand on Clay's shoulder] Ooh, the long arm of the law! [Papermouth slams him on the bar, ready to pistol whip him]

Potterswheel

No, Roger!

Clay

Yeah, Roger, listen to the wife murderer! [he laughs again; Potterswheel grabs a scalpel and Reverend Putty grabs a bottle. Dolly leaves in a huff.] Aw, you better go too, Reves! Let the men handle this!

Reverend Putty

How would your teeth like a five finger discount on a knuckle sandwich, Puppington?!

Clay

[opens his mouth, waiting for them to smash his teeth in] Well? What are you waiting for? I'm waiting! I'm waiting! [after seeing him try to egg them on, the men leave, realizing he's not worth it] Well, it looks like the only fists that are raised in this town are pacifists! Yeah, run, get out of here! Get out of here, cowards! Look at you! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! Where are you all going?! GET BACK HERE! YOU COME BACK HERE!!! SHOW ME THAT YOU HAVE ONE ONCE OF TESTOSTERONE BETWEEN THE THREE OF YOU!!! [he drops to his knees] With all you people as role models, no wonder my son is...sensitive.