Toki, what were you thinkin?! Hanging out with clowns?!
Nathan ExplosionWhy didn't you call us?! You've got a cellphone! Why didn't you use it? Where were -
You're going out all night with guns, and ya know, guns... y'know, they're cool so... What am I saying here?
Back off jack-off, it wasn't his fault.
I gives that clowns a little of bit of a smack.
Your friend ha. Drunks driving before a tour! Shooting ze guns, huh?
Nathan
Yeah, he's not a real friend.
What kinds of a friends takes on such a godless endeavor? What if you hurt your pinky finger huh? No more tour.
Nathan
Yeah. What if you hurt your hands?
Yeah, you're being a selfish prick.
...I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants. That's... that's what I did today.
Nathan
Yeah, what the fuck, Toki? There's no such things as clowns.
Aww come on, how come I can't have a friend who's a clown? He makes me laugh, ha ha ha!
Nathan
I should be asleep right now. This is a waste of time.
It's metal to like clowns.
EEEverybody Else
No, it's non-metal.
Don't try to tell us it's metal because it's not. We know that trick.
Clowns are, statistically, the most hated of all creatures.
Statisticallies or not, but, uh, just don'ts likes this guy.
Okay, it's late. Let's just all calm down and discuss this in the morning. May we offer you a ride home?
[talking to Klokateer] Give him whatever he wants. [whispers] Put the boots to him, medium style.
Nathan
Hey, you sound like crap, Murderface, what's wrong with you?
I just can't seem to get comfortable. I ran out of clean underwear so I'm wearing a bathing suit.
Nathan
Bathing suit?
What am I gonna do, not wear underwear?
Yeah, it's called freeballing.
Nathan
Yeah, I mean I only wear underwear only about... [counts on his fingers] 65% of the time, honestly, otherwise I'm just freeballing.
Oh ja, in Sweden , underwears is y'know, the kinky stuff, worn as a fetish ja, but you know the exciting sexual stuff? is always freeballing.
Freeballing huh? Well, I'll give it a try.
Wow - I feel pretty good, this freeballing's amazing.
You actuallies been playing ze, almost the bass that can be listens to lately, Murderface, y'know, maybes we even turns it up on the next album.
Nathan
Yeah, what's wrong?
I think it's this freeballing. Pickles, I can not thank you enough. If only the whole world freeballed - no wonder those Arabs're wearing their dresses.
Oh, that's Dr. Rockso. Yeah, I invites him over. No big deal.
Oh, no, Toki! You don'ts have to always compensates, alright, we pays more attentions to you.
Screw that psychological mambo-jambo, I just likes to laugh, ha ha!
Nathan
Hey don't run, it's wet! I thought we agreed, no clowns!
No, we didn't agreed on nothing, we just all yelled and then he was beaten, thats was our conclusions.
Nathan
Aw, damn, I don't want that asshole around here.
Oh boy, gets readies for a lots of screamings.
Normally, that painted dildo would piss me off, but lately, I've made friends with a distinguished old gentleman sitting on two duffle bags. I'm free, downstairs. Think about it.
K-K-K-K-K-K-YEAH! IT'S ME DR. ROCKSO, THE ROCK AND ROLL CLOWN!
Ha ha ha! [laughs] I just cracks up every time!
Nathan
Well wipe your feet before you come in here?
Hey business man, what you do for a living, sell shoes? K-K-YEAH...
May I have a short word with you?
Oh yeah, you are short. Ohhhhhh yeah.
Who wants to watch a rock-sclusive Dr. Rockso music video?
Oh me, this gots to be hilarious.
Nathan
I'd rather die then watch your fucking video, how 'bout that?
Oh I caught that! But that's okay, Dr. Rockso forgives ya. Now, I'm gonna show you boys that you're not the only ones that know how to rock. This one was banned from Music Television because you can see my junk... through my jumpsuit.
I believe that is what is known as... freeballing.
It's called "I'm Just A Rock And Roll Clown."
[At a concert, after performing 'Castratikron'.]
FFFemale Fans
Nathan! Nathan! Can you get us back stage, we'll make it worth your while. We'll totally suck your hog. Please, Nathan! Nathan! Yeah, we'll totally gang bang you. All of us will. Nathan! Nathan! Cut our faces off. Cut my arms off.
Nathan Explosion
Uhhhh... I - I - can't.
FFFemale Fans
What's he saying? What's he saying?
Nathan
I can't. I... have a girlfriend now.
[Crowd emits a noise of shock.]
FFFemale Fans
[shrieking] Noooooo!
[Nathan enters.]
Hey! You feeling all right?
[clearly excited] Aw, did she break up with you?
Nathan
No. But I have some bad news... I can't go to the United States Pornography Awards... I'm not allowed.
Dude, but if you can't go, then we can't play and...[babbles] We can't go! We can't go!!!
Nathan
I'm sorry...
I wanted to kiss the girls!
Nathan
You don't understand, she won't let me!
Your relationship is messing with our lives! Our lives!
[The band tries to torture sense into Nathan.]
Your attitude is unacceptable. Why do you like that lady?
Every time we see you with her, you look like a beaten dog! Aroooo!
Nathan
Fine! You want the truth? I hate that lady.
You hate her? And yet you are with her? Why?!
Nathan
I DON'T KNOW!
[Toki tasers Nathan.]
Nathan
It's the most brutal thing ever. It's not like regular hate. It's so much more black. If she were a street gang I'd fucking go to war with her with bottles and chains. But this is different. There's nothing I can do.
[At the United States Pornography Awards.]
And the awards for the best use of a dildo...
Dildo-dildo-a-rooney-roo!
"Kissing Lips, the kissing dildo"...
Nathan
And the award goes to "Dildo Team Task Force Z".
Nathan
Oh what the fuck, what a piece of shit.
Was I more fat, or was I more stupid-looking? My god I'm hideous.
It didn't even make sense! [to Ofdensen] You, do whatever it takes, that piece of crap ain't comin' out!
Aw, nots even ons D Vee D?
JGJames Grishnack
Hello boys, hope I'm not interrupting anything.
Mr. Grishnack, that movie cannot come out. It's crap!
GGrishnack
Now don't be drastic, this happens all the time. We just happened to make another, what you call in this business, a real piece o' shit!
So you're not going to release it...
GGrishnack
Normally, a movie like this, I'd just, I'd just eat it and it would die, but since it's you, oh yeah, we're gonna put this out, and it's gonna make the money back. I don't care if it's gonna ruin your careers, I'm making my money back. It's Dethklok in a movie.
Nathan
That's our reputation you're messing with, Grishnack!
GGrishnack
Alright, dildoes, listen up! I've been fucking over fathead celebrities since you were all shitting in diapers! Now, this movie, it's a 500 million dollar shit sandwich, and you're all gonna take a bite and you're gonna smile cause you love how it tastes! Got it? Now you go out there, your-your adoring public... I wrote all the reviews! Nobody knows what a good movie is anymore! Just shut up and smile! Remember: shit sandwich, tastes great! Now go!
Gentlemen. You've been receiving death threats from some of your fans.
No, Pickles, they're threatening to kill you.
That... that's a different thing!
Yes. Before the show, we should do a couple of safety briefings, I've outlined a very specific -
Nathan Explosion
Right, well, anything else?
Any new ideas for the Dethmerch? I remember you all complaining that you were sick of -
Oh. Ja. Guys. Ares you ready? Dis is it.
Dis is... times travels face bag.
Time... travel... face bag, am I saying that right? Looks like you have uh, some plastic bags. What are you doing?
Nathan
[voice muffled through the bag] We're traveling through time.
Yeah, you put the face bag on and travel through time!
[removes the bag] Dear God! You, boy in the street! What day is it?
It is Wed - It's Friday! It's Friday!
I must have traveled through time itself!
Nathan
We've uh, figured out how to travel through time at the speed of... regular time, with plastic bags.
Dude, it was a fan attack! That's what Ofdensen warned us about!
Nathan
Why do fans, feel that they have to do that? I mean what, to get noticed?
I know, there's so many nice kids out there, and just a couple of them gotta attack you? Spoils it for everyone!
Nathan
I know. Sad... Sad for them.
It is sad! It's sad for them!
It's pathetic, it just makes me feel sorry for them, that's all.
Oh, must be a rescue team. Hey guys, DOWN HERE!
IT'S US, DETHKLOK, STRANDED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!
Oh, I hope they brought some fuckin' food!
Nathan
I feel like eating cheese. Like, really fancy cheese, what's the name of that cheese, Renoir?
Yeah, I could do that. Maybe a little Kool-Aid of, you know... of the, you know, the grape, persuasion...
Nathan
That's what I'm talkin' about!
Nathan
Oh, let's steal them!
I remember when I was a child -
OOffdensen
Gentlemen, I have the recording schedules right here. You'll see that we need to get started on the new record pretty soon, so... [Dethklok is not paying any attention to him, the only sound is Murderface's knife on a plate] Uh. Nothin'?
Can you just at least ask us how we're doing, or something? Y'know, before you start with all this... robotic crap? I mean, am I wrong?-
Yeah, you're all like, "Here's the schedule and now get to work, you ugly humps!" [offended] Ugly humps?!
You're like a robot. You're like an... emotionless robot.
Nathan
Yeah. He is a robot.
Nathan
You're a robot.
Robots are not to be trusted...
OOffdensen
Okay, fine. Uh. How are... all of you?
Hows ares wes? WE'S IN THE MIDDLE OF HAVINGS A FUCKING DINNERS MEAL! DATS HOWS WE AM!
Nathan
Toki, you may clear the table, when you feel that it's time.
Any of you guys mind if I mace this stupid turkey?
Aw, go ahead. I don't want no more.
OH, YEAH! [maces the turkey with a device attached to his crotch] Take that you stupid turkey! Right in you face!
OOffdensen
Uh... I'm sorry, what is that?
Oh, this a Pelvic Thrust Mace Belt.
OOffdensen
I... must say I have never seen you this reclusive and moody before. But, there must be something we can do to get you guys back out there playing shows.
Well, what of the fans out there who wanna kill us?
OOffdensen
Well, there won't be. I have a proposal I think you'll be interested in, since your concern with security has increased. A number of criminals are to be executed soon, and the prison system has asked you to perform at this execution because-
Nathan
Nooooo. Pass.
OOffdensen
And they want you to pick how they're executed.
Nathan
AWWWWWWWW, AWWWWWWWWWW! DARN, THAT'S AWESOME! THAT'S REALLY AWESOME!
OOffdensen
Is this, uh, something you would, uh, consider, doing?
Nathan
[throws his bottle] URRRRR!!!!!!! YEAH! BUT IT'S GOTTA BE REALLY FUCKING BRUTAL!
Metalocalypse · 448 quotes
