Dr. Rockso quotes from Metalocalypse

[whispers] I do cocaine.

(shown getting out of a car) Hey, man I said $20 for an HJ, not a measly ten!

Let's go get some hookers and ice k-k-k-k...reeeaaam!

[to a drug dealer] COme one man, hurry up. I got something to do. Guess what? Cocaine!

[walking with joy] Yoo-hoo! You know what I do, baby! And I'm doing it! Snorting cocaine! [to a Hot Dog stand salesman] Hey, Johnny hot dog! Guess what I do! COCAINE! He didn't even answer. [to a shoe-shining man] Hey, shoe-shine boy! [takes out his bag of cocaine] Wanna check me out with some of this here, cocaine! [to a large rodent] Hey Mr. zoo animal! Check this out! [holds up his bag of cocaine] Cocaine! [to a little boy holding a red balloon] Hey little boy with the b-b-b-b-balloon! Check this out! [whispers] Cocaine! Don't tell nobody! [to a Police Officer near the boy] Hey Mr. Police- Uh-oh!! [hides the cocaine bag behind his back]

Nathan

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the party. And as you all know, no party is complete without a birthday party clown. And we have one of the finest Rock N' Roll clowns around, so please...put- your hands tog- you know, here comes the Rock N' Roll clown.

[enters siding in on his knees] K-K-K-K-K YEAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! [crowd moans: Murderface looks annoyed] I'm Dr. Rockso, the Rock and Roll Clown! I do cocaine! K-K-K-K-YEAH! I hear it's somebody's birth-day! I do cocaine! Dr. Rockso gonna make you a balloon bass.

[whispers] I seriously do... a lotta cocaine. [louder] Try it out! Wait a minute, I think someone's outta tune. Just a little more. [turns the knob, which swells until it pops in William's face -- he looks furious] You popped a string! Hehe! I do coca- [Murderface strangles Dr. Rockso and shoves the balloon bass down his throat, then sets the Klokateers on him. The Klokateers viciously stomp Rockso.]

Pickles the Drummer

Toki, what were you thinkin?! Hanging out with clowns?!

Nathan Explosion

Why didn't you call us?! You've got a cellphone! Why didn't you use it? Where were -

Pickles

You're going out all night with guns, and ya know, guns... y'know, they're cool so... What am I saying here?

Back off jack-off, it wasn't his fault.

Pickles

You shut up!

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

I gives that clowns a little of bit of a smack.

Toki Wartooth

Hey, that's my friend!

Skwisgaar

Your friend ha. Drunks driving before a tour! Shooting ze guns, huh?

Nathan

Yeah, he's not a real friend.

Pickles

Dick!

Skwisgaar

What kinds of a friends takes on such a godless endeavor? What if you hurt your pinky finger huh? No more tour.

Nathan

Yeah. What if you hurt your hands?

Pickles

Yeah, you're being a selfish prick.

William Murderface

...I woke up with a clown's hand in my pants. That's... that's what I did today.

Nathan

Yeah, what the fuck, Toki? There's no such things as clowns.

Toki

Aww come on, how come I can't have a friend who's a clown? He makes me laugh, ha ha ha!

Skwisgaar

....We care about you!

Nathan

I should be asleep right now. This is a waste of time.

Pickles

He smells like piss.

Toki

It's metal to like clowns.

No, it's non-metal.

Murderface

Don't try to tell us it's metal because it's not. We know that trick.

Toki

Clowns are, statistically, the most hated of all creatures.

Skwisgaar

Statisticallies or not, but, uh, just don'ts likes this guy.

Charles Ofdensen

Okay, it's late. Let's just all calm down and discuss this in the morning. May we offer you a ride home?

Um-hmmm.

Toki

Okay, calls you later.

Ofdensen

[talking to Klokateer] Give him whatever he wants. [whispers] Put the boots to him, medium style.

General Crozier

You'll be paid to gather whatever you can with this camera in your hat. And no fucking around, got that candy nose?

Oh, you just keep that cabbage coming, daddy-o, and Dr. Rockso's gonna get you what you want, the way you want it. Now which one of you humps, got a cigarette for Dr. Rockso?

General Crozier

Just calm down and be careful. And watch out for this guy. [holds up picture of Charles Ofdensen, the band manager.] He means business. Stay away from him.

.... I do cocai -

General Crozier

[holds a hand up] Yes, I know. [to the guards] Makes sure no one sees you taking him out of here.

General Crozier

[mutter] Rock and roll clown...

K-K-K-K-K-K-YEAH! IT'S ME DR. ROCKSO, THE ROCK AND ROLL CLOWN!

Toki

Ha ha ha! [laughs] I just cracks up every time!

Nathan

Well wipe your feet before you come in here?

Hey business man, what you do for a living, sell shoes? K-K-YEAH...

Ofdensen

May I have a short word with you?

Oh yeah, you are short. Ohhhhhh yeah.

Toki

Ha ha, he is short.

Murderface

Ha.

Skwisgaar

Yowza.

Ofdensen

Well, ah, Rockso, Toki really seems to like you, a great deal. So our home is your home.

OH! MI CASA, SU CASA BA-BABY!

Ofdensen

Yes, but just remember, stay in the main room, and I, need you to sign this confidential agreement, and pain waiver.

What if I don't want to?

Ofdensen

Try me...

Aww come on, Rockso's just pu-pulling your ch-ch-chain! You did have my ass beat though. That shit hurts.

Ofdensen

Well, just stay in the main room, and we'll be fine. Have fun.

Who wants to watch a rock-sclusive Dr. Rockso music video?

Toki

Oh me, this gots to be hilarious.

Nathan

I'd rather die then watch your fucking video, how 'bout that?

Oh I caught that! But that's okay, Dr. Rockso forgives ya. Now, I'm gonna show you boys that you're not the only ones that know how to rock. This one was banned from Music Television because you can see my junk... through my jumpsuit.

Murderface

I believe that is what is known as... freeballing.

It's called "I'm Just A Rock And Roll Clown."

Ofdensen

Find something interesting in there, did you?

Ofdensen

Easy Rockso, easy. Don't you think you might have had a little too much cocaine?

[voice wavering] Back off, man. Leave me alone.

Murderface

[hearing a shot being fired] Hey, that's my driving gun! [stands up]

Pickles

Hey, you're not supposed to wear clothes in the hot tub.

Murderface

I'm freeballing.

[dashes by] K-K-K-K-K-YEAH!

Toki

I told you he was funny.

Toki

(Dr. Rockso gives him a large version of his own head made of balloons) Oh, wowie, looks just like me! Nathan, look!

Nathan

(unenthusiastically) Yeah, that's great.

I can make you one.

Nathan

Uh, yeah...go. To jail, now.

Dr. Rockso, are you guilty?

All I know is this, my name is Dr. Rockso, the Rock N' Roll clown...and I used to do cocaine! I'm k-k-k-k-k clean! [Dethklok members cheer for him; Rockso gets a bloody nose] Uh-oh. [nose falls off]

[monotonally] Oh my God, what's going on here? Stop torturing him.

(sobbing) Thank you. Thank you, you're an angel!

Yes, yes, yes I am. There, there... Give him one more.

(screaming)

All right, all right, well, here are your clothes, Dr. Rockzo. The, uh, the boys are going out for some ice cream and hookers. Is that something you'd be interested in doing?

[sheepishly]] I don't know, I guess so...

Toki

[enters meeting room] Whats I miss?

Murderface

TOKI! Why do you smell like piss and cocaine?

Toki

Oh that's not me.

Oh k-k-k-k-k-k-k-Hanukkah! A-k-k-k-k-hello!