William Murderface quotes from Metalocalypse

Murderface

[prodding the remains of the mutilated chef with a stick] Jean-Pierre! Jean-Pierre! Wake up, cook something! Come on! Don't be a dick, be a dude!

Murderface

Hey guys... nuclear submarine power's out.

Murderface

Hey, I have those same shoes.

William

Sorry! Sorry! I just... It's my fault! I can't stand to see her chew, I just locked in on it! My fault! Sorry!

Murderface

Uhhh, I need a backrub. [dejectedly] I miss Pickles.

Murderface

If they only knew how much we hated them, I mean they just keep crawling back like groveling putrid stupid zombies that just want to eat our brains that is our art.

Murderface

The only reason I have a high school degree is 'cause of a very special principal, who let me just play bass and drink beer and smoke dope because I told him I'd cut his eyes out if he didn't let me graduate.

Murderface

[enters Skwisgaar's room] Hey, uh Skwisgaar? That whole 'Toki getting good ting?' Just kidding, all a lie. See ya'. [leaves fast]

Murderface

Even though we are venturing into the world of fashion, I am here to assure all of you...I am not gay.

Murderface

A million miles from nowhere, Dragon Lance burns hot. By the fire of a horse's ghost, a minnow would be lost... Cha-cha-cha-changes... mmmm, Tits... A fish... A fish with tits. Titty fish.

Murderface

[while in a sauna] Hey maybe we oughtta, up the anty as they say in the medical business? [reading his Medieval Medical Arts book] Blood letting is the ancient inuate art of draining all the bad blood out, and letting your body generate the new blood, hey yoU! Go get some buckets and some blood-letting knives!

Murderface

TOKI, I'LL KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!!

Murderface

Hey mama...Follow me if you want to live.

Jean-Pierre

Oh, from the Prime Minister of Norway [presents a wine bottle] There are several cases. The finest wine -

Nathan

NOOOOOOOO! We never drink before a show! Never! [William pops off the top of the bottle and pours some in a goblet]

Murderface

Well, I've been drinking all day.

Toki

[holds up beer can] Me too!

Skwisgaar

Me too.

Pickles

[surrounded by beer cans and beer bottles] Me too!

Nathan

... Me too.

Toki

[awed gasp] What's this place called?

Skwisgaar

This is, I believes, called food libraries.

Pickles

It's called a grocery store, ya douchebags! I'm sorry about douchebags. I got... got low blood sugar.

Nathan

Alright, here's the deal: we have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like regular jack-offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting together one dish. AND DON'T JUST BUY BOOZE! That ain't food!

Murderface

What do you mean, "booze ain't food?" I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!

Toki

You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?

Murderface

Yeah!

Toki

Wowee!

Murderface

[reads his shopping list] Hey grandma, is there olives in it?

In what?

Murderface

Lemon tart, Wrinkle-tits! Jeezees!

[shocked gasp]

Murderface

Good, then it's pee-pee time! [starts urinating on the olives]

Pickles

Hey chief, this stuff good for soup? [gestures at shopping cart full of booze]

... No -

Pickles

- Aaaah! That's a yes.

Toki

[reading from his list] Who is Wall Nuts?

Skwisgaar

[throws a box of tampons into Toki's cart] Haa, hey Toki; look inside of your basket. Guess why you're in such crappy mood, you have lady's tampons... inside of it... and you buy them for yourself. Go on have a conversation with all the ladies and tell them your problems.

Toki

You a lady, Skwisgaar!

Skwisgaar

NO I'M NOT!!!

Nathan

2 cups of rice...

Nathan

Brutal.

Pickles

Okay hold on now, so you're telling me that you put these little guys in boiling water and they shrink, and they turn red, and they die?

Yes sir.

Pickles

That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life. High five.

Nathan

Price check! Cleanup aisle six! Rotted Body Landslide! And don't forget our special sale on Every Bone Broken Chicken! Hurry! [laughing] Enjoy our tasty Hammer Smashed Face! Aisle three.

I loves to laugh. [romantically] Hi.

Hi.

Skwisgaar

Guess what, you are a GMILF. That is a grandmother that I would like to - [Cut to next scene]

Pickles

See! What'd I tell you guys? We don't need no chef.

Nathan

Put in the ingredients into that thing there.

Toki

Oh no, we leaves all the food at the food place!

Nathan

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! [Zoom into his mouth and down his throat]