Knubbler quotes from Metalocalypse

Knubbler

[comes in and sees Dethklok drinking the tracks] WHATS GOING ON? YOU'RE DRINKING THE TRACKS! NO, YOU CAN'T WATER THE PLANTS WITH THE DRUM TRACKS! YOU'RE REPLACING THE WATER IN THE FISH TANK WITH THE BASS TRACKS! YOU'RE MAKING RAMEN NOODLES WITH SKWISGAAR'S SOLO! [Dethklok's hot tub play's Nathans noise making track]

Knubbler

Yeah, bear with me dudes. I think I made the trip a little too fast. My... my body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here. I'm sure I'll feel a little better once I have some Pop Rocks and Coke. [washes down a handful of Pop Rocks with Coca-Cola and begins to bleeds from nose]

Nathan

Now shut up and listen to this, Dick. This is metal. For fish.

Skwisgaar

Fish don't gots no good metal to listens to.

Murderface

Yeah, it's true.

Knubbler

Fish, huh?

Nathan

This one's called Murmaider!

Murderface

It's about mermaid murder.

Knubbler

Stop the track! This is amazing! I mean, there must be billions of fish out there! It's a totally untapped market! And so many hits too!

Nathan

Electric Eelchair!

Knubbler

Yeah!

Skwisgaar

Scaled and Gutted and Undercooked.

Knubbler

Yeah!

Murderface

Scuba Tank Filled With Farts!

Knubbler

YEAH! You boys knocked it completely out of the park. [quietly] I am back on top. [louder] I'm going straight to the label!

Knubbler

So that's just a rough mix of some of the stuff you've been uh...working on.

Skwisgaar

That's kinda nots too terriblys uh...wonderful is it now? Am I right?

Murderface

No no no, it's not it's uh...dragging.

Nathan

Yeah yeah, it's just...it's just too confining.

Skwisgaar

Yes confinings.

Pickles

Too digital.

Knubbler

Wait what?

Pickles

Needs work.

Murderface

Sorry if we have very learn-ed sensitive musical ears.

Skwisgaar

Yeah. Toki is right, sorry if we got very good ears.

Murderface

Uh...Murderface, that's Murderface, I'm Murderface, that's my name.

Toki

It sounds like microchips.

Nathan

Yeah, Pickles is right you know. Who was clearly the one who said that.

Toki

I just said that, not Pickle!

Nathan

Uh, that's a good Pickles impression that's for sure. Right Pickles?

Pickles

...

Nathan

I SAID "RIGHT PICKLLLLLLES!!!"

Pickles

It sounds like microchips. In ones and zeros-

Knubbler

You guys are fucking deaf! You know that? You can't tell the difference between anything! Can you fucking hear me? DAMMIT CAN ANY OF YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!

Knubbler

OK, we've moved all the tracks onto water, so you wanna take 5 on the horsing around?

Nathan

Hey hey! Record this ready? Ready?

Pickles

Yeah I'm ready.

Nathan

Okay. [recording sequence starts] Pbbbbbbbb ohhhh ahhhhh oh la la la la la la [claps five times] Play that back for me Pickles. [Pickles plays it back]

Pickles

It seems kinda cleared.

Skwisgaar

Now we can'ts do that.

Murderface

It's actually clearer than when he did it.

Nathan

Hey play that back for me one more time, Pickles, just one more time. [Pickles does so] Yeah I gotta get a copy of that for myself. On water.

Murderface

Yeah! Burn it on water! [more talking at once] I'm gonna throw up! RECORD IT I'M GONNA THROW UP!

Pickles

Okay! Press record, record quick quick! [Knubbler pushes a button labeled "Record"; Murderface throws up]

Nathan

Oh that's gonna sound good!

Skwisgaar

Yeah, I'm gonna add it to my water collection!

Knubbler

Sorry guys, wrap for the day. Cuttin' ya loose, we'll be back.

Nathan

Where you going? You getting food? Get Indian!

Toki

Oh, gets sushi!

Pickles

Get some fucking French toast this time, you cocksmokers!

Murderface

I'm sick of French toast!

Knubbler

We're not getting food, guys.

Murderface

Why not?!

Skwisgaar

We are goings to records my guitar part, and it may be the most dangerous things I ams ever dones.

Toki

Then whys you dos it?

Skwisgaar

Because I ams a tones-chaser.

Nathan

That'd be funny if he said he was a squirrel-chaser. That'd be funnier, you know. Pickles, squirrel-chaser!

Pickles

[clearly annoyed] Yeah, I know.

Toki

Okay so this ams the buttons that makes it records, and this ams the button that makes it stops records, and this ams the button that will makes it erase all of Skwisgaar's guitar tracks. [pushes the delete button] OH NO, WHATS HAS I DONE?!

Toki

I can'ts plays it! It's too damns hard! Skwisgaars always makes it so hard! Damns you stupid, slow, stubby fingers, don'ts looks at me! Awww shucks...whats am I goings to do!?

Skwisgaar

Hey Knubblers, still jazzed about hows greats dat recordings went. Mind playing me a couple of deh tracks?

Toki

[with great worry] uh why's do dat? Hey, let's alls gets lunch - my treats! Let's get out of this stuffy place. Let's get outta--let's just get outs of this room! Come on! GOS! GO!

Knubbler

Here you go, Skwisgaar. [pushes play, the track starts playing Toki's version of the solo]

Skwisgaar

WHAT THE FUCKS IS DAT SOUND?! SOMESTHING IS WRONGS HERE! ISOLATES MY GUITARS TRACKS! [the solo is playing very bad; Skwisgaar glares at Toki]

Toki

AHH! I'M SORRY'S, IT'S MY FAULT! I FUCKS IT ALL UP! Don'ts kicks me outs of deh band, I'lls do anything! I'LL SUCKS YOUR DICK!

Skwisgaar

Toki! Pulls yourselfs together!

Toki

I fucks it all up!

Knubbler

Shit Skwisgaar, I really should have backed those sessions up.

Toki

YEAH YOU SHOULDA BACKS THOSE SESSIONS UP!

Knubbler

You'd do well as keep quiet, all right?! Shit SKwisgaar...you know what this means right?

Knubbler

I bring some wonderful frankincense.

Murderface

Great. That's what I got him!

Knubbler

How do you like that? We both got him the same thing.

Murderface

Ohhh Lord!

Knubbler

Hey! That's blasphemy!

Murderface

No, I mean 'Oh, Lord! Right there!' A miracle has been bestowed upon us this day!

Knubbler

I think he may have bestowed something into his diapers.

Knubbler

The king has truly blessed us.

Murderface

Maybe he can stop blessing us, something's starting to smell bad.

Knubbler

Looks like another wonderful, but lonely Christmas Eve with just you and me, right old pal?

Yup. Looks like the two of us, again.

Knubbler

Oh I guess you know what that sound means...

Oh, the Christmas goose is finished getting microwaved?

Knubbler

Noooo. It means we have some guests!

Well hellooooo....

Knubbler

It's Dethklok's mothers!

[aggravated] And they've been drinking! Yeah, uh take your time staggering in. Like this ain't live TV or anything.

Knubbler

Yes, who would have thought that Dethklok would have mothers? Ha ha...yes...

I'll get it! Wouldn't it be great if it was more friendly guests?

Nathan

Why didn't you tell me that this thing was being sponsored by religion? That's not fucking cool dude. [enters]

Knubbler

Hey watch the F-bombs all right? This...was written, this was written...

Oh-k-k-k-k-k-Rockso! Made his way onto the lot with the Christmas party baby!

Toki

[enraged] Oh Rockso, you fucking piece of shits! You stole the Christmas presents! I FUCKING KILLS YOU ROCKSO!!!

Out of my way, here it comes! [crashes her Rascal into a big wooden cross, crushing both her and Toki]

Toki

AAAAAH!! OW, MY LEG!!! AAAH! TOKI'S LEG!!! [screams and babbles in agony]

Pickles

Dude, we need a doctor over here!

Heeeelp! Heeeelp!

Pickles

Dude, we need a fucking doctor over here!

Nathan

Murderface, I think you grandma's, like, hurt or something, you should help her.

Can't you just let me enjoy this moment?