Pickles the Drummer quotes from Metalocalypse

Pickles

By the power of all that is evil, I command you to awaken and make me a sandwich! [wails]

Pickles

[while performing; shooting a rifle in random directions] Oops, I thought this was the NRA!

Pickles

[while performing] Any of you dildos wanna fight? What about you grandma? Wanna fight? Wanna awwww... I'm just messing with you!

Pickles

Okay, I know you're all sober now, and I can totally respect that, so I'm going to resist the urge to do drugs and drink around you. I will still do them, but I will excuse myself and go to a different room.

Pickles

Oh come on, screw that Internet crap, I mean come on, what is the Internet, you know? Seriously... what is the Internet?

Pickles

Uh, Nathan... you're gonna kill me, but I totally forgot to press 'Record'. Ahh, but... here's the good news: I'm sorry.

Pickles

[drunk] AND THE WINNER IS "CINNAMON BUNS!!!" STARRING PICKLES THE DRUMMER, DIRECTED BY VODKA AND BEER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! [collapses]

Pickles

[excitedly] They're getting yopo!! If we're gonna die, we're gonna die high!!

Pickles

They're trying to tell you that the guy got his face smashed into the hovercraft, that's what they're trying to tell you.

Jean-Pierre

Yes, I know.

Toki

And then from the sorrow, FA-TUU! He blow he brain in!

Skwisgaar

[correcting Toki's grammar] He blow he brain out.

Toki

Whatever. It make a great album cover.

Jean-Pierre

Oh, from the Prime Minister of Norway [presents a wine bottle] There are several cases. The finest wine -

Nathan

NOOOOOOOO! We never drink before a show! Never! [William pops off the top of the bottle and pours some in a goblet]

Murderface

Well, I've been drinking all day.

Toki

[holds up beer can] Me too!

Skwisgaar

Me too.

Pickles

[surrounded by beer cans and beer bottles] Me too!

Nathan

... Me too.

Toki

[awed gasp] What's this place called?

Skwisgaar

This is, I believes, called food libraries.

Pickles

It's called a grocery store, ya douchebags! I'm sorry about douchebags. I got... got low blood sugar.

Nathan

Alright, here's the deal: we have to do our own shopping so we can make our own dinner like regular jack-offs do. Now you're all in charge of putting together one dish. AND DON'T JUST BUY BOOZE! That ain't food!

Murderface

What do you mean, "booze ain't food?" I'd rather chop off my ding-dong than admit that!

Toki

You'd rather chop off your ding-dong than not drink?

Murderface

Yeah!

Toki

Wowee!

Murderface

[reads his shopping list] Hey grandma, is there olives in it?

In what?

Murderface

Lemon tart, Wrinkle-tits! Jeezees!

[shocked gasp]

Murderface

Good, then it's pee-pee time! [starts urinating on the olives]

Pickles

Hey chief, this stuff good for soup? [gestures at shopping cart full of booze]

... No -

Pickles

- Aaaah! That's a yes.

Toki

[reading from his list] Who is Wall Nuts?

Skwisgaar

[throws a box of tampons into Toki's cart] Haa, hey Toki; look inside of your basket. Guess why you're in such crappy mood, you have lady's tampons... inside of it... and you buy them for yourself. Go on have a conversation with all the ladies and tell them your problems.

Toki

You a lady, Skwisgaar!

Skwisgaar

NO I'M NOT!!!

Nathan

2 cups of rice...

Nathan

Brutal.

Pickles

Okay hold on now, so you're telling me that you put these little guys in boiling water and they shrink, and they turn red, and they die?

Yes sir.

Pickles

That is the most metal thing I ever heard in my whole life. High five.

Nathan

Price check! Cleanup aisle six! Rotted Body Landslide! And don't forget our special sale on Every Bone Broken Chicken! Hurry! [laughing] Enjoy our tasty Hammer Smashed Face! Aisle three.

I loves to laugh. [romantically] Hi.

Hi.

Skwisgaar

Guess what, you are a GMILF. That is a grandmother that I would like to - [Cut to next scene]

Pickles

See! What'd I tell you guys? We don't need no chef.

Nathan

Put in the ingredients into that thing there.

Toki

Oh no, we leaves all the food at the food place!

Nathan

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?! [Zoom into his mouth and down his throat]

Pickles the Drummer

Okay wait, before you do anything.

Pickles the Drummer

Motherdouchebags! Did it again...

Toki Wartooth

Dudes, what's wrong with that one? [dejected]

Pickles

Lemme guess - not "heavy" enough, not "tuned low" enough, not "brutal" enough?

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Dudes, we can'ts nots toning down any lower.

William Murderface

Well, maybe it'd be better if I just killed myself, huh? Why don't you record that, huh? Would that be brutal enough for you? Me, being dead?

Skwisgaar

Somebody shoulds tells Murderface that it's not alsways-ways abouts him.

Nathan

Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface?

Pickles

Yeah, I know man, have a little decency. I mean, we're stuck together in a... in a friggin' submarine for...

Murderface

[drops bucket of beans] Fine, how about I starve to death. How's that? [passes gas] Excuse me! Ugh, these boots are killing my feet! [removes boots, exposing sweaty, smelly feet; passes gas] These feet sti... [vomits all over himself]

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Hey, Pickle. Tell Murderface what you just told me about that guy. S' hilarious.

Pickles the Drummer

Oh, right. That dude that you headbutted? The guy was a Danish Prince. Can you believe that?

Skwisgaar

[mistaking the Danish for the Dutch] Pfft! The Dutch.

Pickles

Oh, check it out. He's got a brain contusion and a fractured skull... Oh, and he's last in line for the Danish royalty. That is messed up, dude.

William Murderface

Well, that's what he gets for going after my hog.

Pickles

Awesome.

Skwisgaar

Dude, I would have done the same thing. Pfft. Dutch.

Pickles

Yeah, well it's official. I mean, you're getting really... good at headbutting.

Nathan Explosion

A birthday party for Murderface?

Skwisgaar

Where is it going to be? In a toilet? In a bus station?

Toki Wartooth

Oh, that's brutal.

Skwisgaar

Can you believe, right off the top of my head, just making up like thats?

Pickles

Wait a minute! The guy's a nihilist, what does he want a birthday for?

Inside, outside, up or down. Show up if you want, who gives a piss?

Nathan

Oh, fuck me! We're going to have to get him a gift!