You wanted to, talk to me ?
No, thank you. I'll stand.
NathanOh. We, We we wanted to say we're sorry. There. [chuckles] There you go. Get outta here.
You're sorry for... releasing dangerous criminals back into the streets?
Nathan
No... about calling you a robot.
Nathan
No, you're not a robot.
No you are not... and we know that must have made you feel bad.
Ands, listens, you's the bests butler we's ever had, so we no wants yous to quit.
I'm uh, not a butler... Nevermind. That's all, then?
That's it. I mean, uh, we're glad you forced us out there again. Y'know, it felt good. Y-y-y'know, couple of things I would have done differently though, y'know, whatever ...
You mean like, not blind the stage driver and crash it into a prison of dangerous criminals?
Heheh - no, that was a happy accident. Eeehh.
OOffdensen
It should be clear at this point that Toki is concerned about his role in the band.
Nathan
What do you mean? He's, he's the rhythm guitar player, am I right?
OOffdensen
Yes, he, is, but he's been complaining that he doesn't get enough spotlight. And it's become apparent, uh, in the media. Take a look at that. [throws down a magazine that reads "Will Toki go to War for More Notes?"]
What does he care? He don't even practice or nothin'. He doesn't write, he just shows up. That guy doesn't do anything!
Nathan
HEY! He makes sandwiches, alright?
Nathan
WOAH! THAT GUY DOESN'T DO ANYTHING!
OOffdensen
Well, uh, he is a band member, so try to, be nice to him.
[contemptuously] HEY HEY! Why don't you just uhhh, why don't you just get out of here and let the big boys deal with this one. Or maybe just write it down in that stupid little book, you know, you file away with all receipts for your lollipops and your pretzels, idiot.
OOffdensen
[offended] Uhh... excuse me?
I'm just messing with you, man! [snickers]
OOffdensen
You uh, sure about that?
[ingenuinely]] Yeah, just pallin' around. Just being a little dick, you know.
OOffdensen
Fine then, good day. [leaves]
Nathan
Yeah you've got it down to a science!
You notice how I'm not mad. He gets mad. That's being a dick.
Nathan
It's amazing just to be able to manipulate like that. Wow! What a gift!
How do you just turn it on like that?
Well, it... It takes years boys. I mean- Pickles, you got something on your shirt right there. [puts a finger on his shirt]
I do? [looks down and Murderface punches him]
Nathan
Whoa...what a dick.
[Nathan, Murderface and Pickles are outside Skwisgaar's room] Okay you two, being a dick takes a lot of work. The objective guys, is to drive somebody crazy.
PNPickles & Nathan
Yeah, alright.
Skwisgaar's in there practicing away, let's drive him crazy. Follow my lead, and try to keep up...
[in a very high pitched voice] So uh... sounds like Toki's really gettin' going over there with a new guitar teacher!
[also high pitched] Yeah, I went by his room... dude. He was doing stuff on that guitar, I was like, 'What? I ain't never heard nothin' like that!'
[still high pitched] I was like, 'Are you speeding up a tape with a guitar solo on there?!'
Nathan
[very robotic in his voice] I-was-like-that-too! But-then-I-found-out-that-he-was-not!
[high pitched] No, he wasn't! He was really doin' it!
[high pitched] Hey- OH, HI, SKWISGAAR!
[has stopped playing and has been listening to them] So he's getting prettys good, huh?
[normal voice] Yes, he's getting quite good.
If you don't minds, I maybe wants to bes by myself for a second?
[muffled through the door] NOOOOOOOOO!
OOffdensen
I can not, in good faith, sign off on this citizen's firing.
OOffdensen
Because, uh, some of the other band mates neglected to vote.
I said it once, and I’ll say it again: Voting sucks!
I was actually the president of the voting-sucks club in high school.
Nathan
Oh yeah? How'd that go?
Well, I never got re-elected.
Nathan
You know it!
OOffdensen
Well, Toki, I don’t know what to say. Either you work this out with Skwisgaar, or you’ll have a bigger decision to make.
No, I nots works its out! [leaves the room.]
See? See! Right there! I can’ts even talks to him! He’s unrationals!
OOffdensen
Well..there you go.
Thanks you. And nows, I demonstrates the name of the string. Dis one i-is an E. And uh, Dere’s another E, heres, and the G, and the P, and the C. Those are what’s called, the fret. [gets nervous] Dat’s, Dat’s not a string, but its, its near the string and- uh, nevermind dat, lets..play the scale, dat’s the major scales on the guitars, string, [heart beats faster.] No! I can’ts dos this!
Can’ts do this anymore master, I can’ts take more piano lessons!
Whatever! I just wish I could be...[cries]
Shhhhh…shhh. It’s just as well. I’m dying boy. I’m dying. [coughs]
Toki! Stop! I wants yous to have this. Dis is ans importance to you. Dat you have, a magical things with dat guys right there, and I now know, dat you never gots good at guitars. So, its ok for you to have dis relations-ips.
Nathan
[from a balcony] HEY! OVER HERE! I'M SORRY! I KNOW IT WAS WRONG TO HAVE MANIPULATED YOU! IF I COULD TAKE IT BACK I WOULD! I WAS WRONG!
Skwisgaar! Yous were afraids that I was better than you?
[also from a balcony] STOP! OVER HERE! DON'T QUIT THE BAND TOKI! I'M SORRY! I SHOULDN'T HAVE MANIPULATED THE SITUATION!
Nathan
HEY! PICKLES OVER HERE!
Nathan
IT'S NATHAN! UM I ALREADY SAID ALL THAT STUFF, LIKE, ALREADY.
Yes Toki. Deh bands needs you. Even thoughs you don'ts do nothing.
[also from a balcony] STOOOOP! I'M SORRY! SORRY ABOUT BEING A DICK BUT SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO SUPPRESS THE URGE OF RUINING OTHER PEOPLES LIVES! WHY DOESN'T EVERY ONE OF YOU JUST GO KILL YOURSELF, IDIOTS! I'M SORRY I'M JUST BEING A DICK!
Wowee. You really are...my family.
Boy...I just wanna say one thing before I go. I love you boy. [coughs] I...love...yee- [dies]
So that's just a rough mix of some of the stuff you've been uh...working on.
That's kinda nots too terriblys uh...wonderful is it now? Am I right?
No no no, it's not it's uh...dragging.
Nathan
Yeah yeah, it's just...it's just too confining.
Sorry if we have very learn-ed sensitive musical ears.
Yeah. Toki is right, sorry if we got very good ears.
Uh...Murderface, that's Murderface, I'm Murderface, that's my name.
It sounds like microchips.
Nathan
Yeah, Pickles is right you know. Who was clearly the one who said that.
I just said that, not Pickle!
Nathan
Uh, that's a good Pickles impression that's for sure. Right Pickles?
Nathan
I SAID "RIGHT PICKLLLLLLES!!!"
It sounds like microchips. In ones and zeros-
You guys are fucking deaf! You know that? You can't tell the difference between anything! Can you fucking hear me? DAMMIT CAN ANY OF YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?!
OK, we've moved all the tracks onto water, so you wanna take 5 on the horsing around?
....
Nathan
Hey hey! Record this ready? Ready?
Nathan
Okay. [recording sequence starts] Pbbbbbbbb ohhhh ahhhhh oh la la la la la la [claps five times] Play that back for me Pickles. [Pickles plays it back]
It's actually clearer than when he did it.
Nathan
Hey play that back for me one more time, Pickles, just one more time. [Pickles does so] Yeah I gotta get a copy of that for myself. On water.
Yeah! Burn it on water! [more talking at once] I'm gonna throw up! RECORD IT I'M GONNA THROW UP!
Okay! Press record, record quick quick! [Knubbler pushes a button labeled "Record"; Murderface throws up]
Nathan
Oh that's gonna sound good!
Yeah, I'm gonna add it to my water collection!
Nathan
Why do they have us right here in front of all these dildos?
Yeah, I mean, we're like, right in front of everything.
Ya, it's likes, deys, gawking at us, likes, a bunch of fish that can'ts close their eyes.
Nathan
Look at that guy. Right there.
Nathan:: Look at that douchebag.
Nathan
Look at that douchebag.
Looks at thats douchebag!
Nathan
Douchebag.
STSkwisgaar/Toki/Murderface/Pickles
Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag, douchebag...
Nathan
I'm getting so irritated by these stupid fans!
OOffdensen
Ah, listen. I don't think it's a great idea for you guys to get too close to your doubles.
Why can't we have friends all of a sudden?
OOffdensen
You can. You just can't have them as friends.
Ohhh. He admits it sees. He's a tyrants sees.
OOffdensen
Do you understand the purpose of having doubles?
Nathan
Yeah, I'll take this one guys. A double is like having the best friend you've had in your whole life. A double listens to you when no one in this crazy world will. A double is like having a child and watching him grow up and feeling that feeling of pride and unyielding trust that no one else can ever give you.
OOffdensen
They exist to so that if someone tries to kill you they will be killed instead.
Nathan
Whoa what? I mean just thinking of those us as dead, I mean I'm going to cry I might seriously cry about that.
OOffdensen
That's why you don't get emotionally attached, Nathan.
Nathan
Hey where did my me go?
[dialing a number on his dethfone] Hey we just saw you on TV at the parade! It was awesome! [whispers] Hey when you get back, we're gonna have a surprise party!
Nathan
Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! Gimme the phone! [Murderface continues talking] Gimme the phone! GIMME THE PHONE!
HOLD ON! Here's Nathan. [gives phone to Nathan]
Nathan
Hiiiiiii! WE JUST SAW YOU ON THE PARADE! IT WAS GREAT!
Nathan
Oh yeah! WE'RE HAVING A PARTY FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK!
Nathan
[plugging his other ear] IT'S GONNA BE AWESOME!
Ask them what they want at the-
Nathan
I will! I will! Hold on! Hold on!
We gets the bounce house!
Tell 'em about the BALLOONS!
Nathan
WE'RE GONNA HAVE BALLOONS! [Offdensen enters the room] I gotta go, goodbye. [hangs up]
OOffdensen
What were you going on the phone? You're supposed to be doing your jobs.
Jobs? I play bass not to have a job!
OOffdensen
You're supposed to be preparing for the concert! Nathan, you're in charge. How's rehearsal going?
Nathan
Well it umm... uhhh oh uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh good.
OOffdensen
What happened back there, huh? What was that?
(distressed) We no means it, it was accidenskal! We not at fault!
OOffdensen
"Blood Bath" does not read well in print, you know what I'm saying--
Nathan
(yelling) WE CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIIIIIGHT!
OOffdensen
Listen, great men throughout history have used doubles. Men who needed to stay alive for the greater good of their people, much like yourselves. Men like Winston Churchill, Joseph Stalin-
Nathan
Awesome! I'm Stalin, I called it.
I wants to be Bill Cosby!
Nathan
You ever think of just, you know, giving it all up?
Ah, you means, like, kills yourself.
Nathan
No. What? No, I mean, like, stopping being famous, become a regular old jackoff.
...And so then kill yourself?
Nathan
No, no, stopping being famou...yeah, you can kill yourself if you want to.
You know, it would be great, to walk down the street, and not be bothered for once.
I don't know, walk down the street, you know.
I don't know, walk to a store. Walk to a store.
Then buys it on the internet, have it delivered!
I know I can buy it on the internet, but what if I want to walk to the park, you know, and look at swans?
Well maybe you should have thought about that before you got famous!
Nathan
Toki's right.
Metalocalypse · 448 quotes
