Charles (addressing three Korean doctors): Now, my diminutive voyeurs, this is the patient, without whom medicine would be just theory. This is the patient's chest; or in more scientific parlance, the front of the back. If there is no bellybutton in the immediate vicinity, you've committed a rather serious faux pas.
S8Back Pay
S8April Fools
(Father Mulcahy comes into the company clerk's office wearing a dress)
Sir, I must protest the rash of mindless pranks being perpetrated around here!
Well, good morning Padre, or should I say, Padress.
Colonel, there's no humor in this. While I was showering, someone stole my robe and left me this.... this.... housefrock!
Better not take it off, Father. You'll be a defrocked priest!
Klinger, how would you like the last rites? And a few lefts?
The Army is a breeze, once you get the hang of the Luther Rizzo secret of military success.
What is it?
Never smile.
Huh?
The Army hates to see a man grin. Makes them think they've failed somehow. But moan and groan and carry on, they'll leave you to your lonesome; long as they know you're miserable, they're happy.
Pierce, that is a childish, totally immature and petulant suggestion.....When do we nail the swine?
S8Guerrilla My Dreams
You son of a bitch.
(This was the first time in US TV history that such a line was not censored)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's M*A*S*H pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.