Radar O'Reilly quotes from M*A*S*H

Henry

Radar, do you know what kind of wood this is?

Radar

Oak, sir?

Henry

Nope - it's oak.

Henry

I betcha don't know what kind of wood this is.

Radar

It's oak.

Henry

Nope - it's oak.

Radar O'Reilly

General Barker's fighter just pulled in, looks real big.

(Sounding scared)How big?

Radar

If he wanted to, he could be a platoon. [Trapper looks at Hawkeye.] Looks mean. [makes a face to show what he looks like]

Radar

A guy told me that he was crossing the road, and this jeep came too close to him. He punched it.

He punched a jeep?

Radar

He knocked it out.

Hawkeye, this guy knocks out jeeps!

Hawkeye

Showboat.

What are you doing, Corporal?

Radar

Doing, sir?

D-O-I-N-G! What are you doing?

Radar

I'm listening to you spell "doing", sir.

Doctor, can you give him a hand?

I'd rather give you one!

Radar

Are you the Yankee Doodle Doctor?

I certainly am!

*HONK!*HONK!*

Radar

Gosh, am I glad they brought me here!

Wait a minute, have you got a reservation?

Radar

A reservation?!

I'm afraid we're all booked up through New Years!

*HONK!*

Radar

But, Doctor!

I'm sorry, kid. You should've booked ahead. Come to think of it, you should've booked the rest of the body as well!

Radar

Sir, you want to sign this?

I don't want to sign anything, you sign it! [Radar signs]

Radar

Sir, would you sign that I signed?

[signs] I'll sign that.

Radar

They aren't gonna like this.

Frank

I didn't come here to be liked.

Radar

You certainly came to the right place.

Frank

I assure you, all goldbricking that went on here under Colonel Blake is going to stop. Under my command, life is going to be a different kettle of fish.

Radar

Are you sure you're in the right branch of the service Sir?

Radar

[referring to a book Hawkeye is holding] War AND Peace?

Well, Tolstoy was very flexible. He went either way.

I'll tell you how I feel about ol' Johann Sebastian.

Radar

Now that's highly significant.

I haven't said anything yet.

Radar

That's OK. I have confidence in you, Lieutenant.

Great work. There wasn't a dry eye in the whole camp.

Hawkeye

Tuttle always brought out the best in me.

Radar

Hey, I just got one question. Where'd you guys get the dog-tags and the parachute?

Oh, that was Major Murdock.

Radar

Who?

Hawkeye

Who's Major Murdock?

You know. Tall, skinny fella. Tuttle's replacement.

Hawkeye

[realizing] Oh, yeah! I had breakfast with him this morning.

Hawkeye

[thinking as he writes] I've never put much stock in ESP, but if it is possible for one person to read another person's mind, Radar has that ability. The little fink.

Radar

[walking past] Is that a nice thing to say?

Henry

It's bad enough that she's having a baby and I can't be there with her!

Radar

Well at least you were there for the important part.

Hawkeye

Great little war we have here.

Radar

I could do without it.