Hawkeye Pierce quotes from M*A*S*H

Hawkeye

Oh, you caught me. I was just eavesdropping on your condition. These charts come in handy, you know? Everybody ought to have one. Somebody asks how you're doing, you don't have to answer. Just show them your chart. So how are you doing?

Hawkeye

Wise guy, huh?

Hawkeye

Klinger, you should know better. The Mess Tent is no place to bring a sick person!

Hawkeye

Look at this! All my fleas are dead! [to Charles] MURDERER!

Hawkeye

With Klinger and Mulcahy's blood in him, this kid will wake up singing "Ave Maria" in Lebanese.

Hawkeye

[Dancing with nothing] No Charles, you can't cut in.

Hawkeye

[telling a nurse about Rosie Land] We're a simple country, where man's only obligation is to love his fellow woman. So what do you say, you wanna be a patriot and love me back? [the nurse walks away] Turncoat!

Hawkeye

How can I eat that and look my mouth in the face?

Hawkeye

I hate the army. Usually, I just can't stand it. But this is different: this is hate.

Hawkeye

[About beer and cereal] Listen to that, snap crackle and burp.

Hawkeye

[Rosie Land's Motto] Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happy Hour.

Hawkeye

Let's see. Ugly color, forty years out of style, fits like a tent? Yeah that's a Class A all right.

Hawkeye

My body is so tired it's suing me for running a sweatshop.

Hawkeye

(to Willamson, furious at his blather about the Red Menace) Don't tell us about the Red Menace! We're up to our ankles in it! It comes out of those kids you keep sending us!

Hawkeye

Well I don't blame her, Father, I think you're as cute as the dickens.

Hawkeye

Allow me to introduce ourselves. That's Ralph, I'm Pierce, and this is Hunnicutt; you probably know each other from driving school.