Hawkeye Pierce quotes from M*A*S*H

Hawkeye

We have four rifles here and one of them is a reading lamp.

Hawkeye

Bite your tongue, Margaret. Or better yet, let me do it.

Hawkeye

Meat? Where'd you get meat? This is fantastic! Wait...where's the dog? (Sees the dog come in) This is fantastic!

Hawkeye

There's been no one since you. Faint copies at best.

Hawkeye

A war is like when it rains in New York and everybody crowds into doorways, ya know? And they all get chummy together. Perfect strangers. The only difference, of course, is in a war it's also raining on the other side of the street, and the people who are chummy over there are trying to kill the people who are over here who are chums.

Hawkeye

Maybe they'd be interested in an exchange. We could keep Paik and give them Frank.

Hawkeye

[in a toast to Frank's leaving]...Goodbye, Ferret Face!

Hawkeye

Look, you can't lay all that on my shoulders. Don't you know how much this place stinks? Don't you know what it's like to stand day after day in blood? In the blood of children? I hate this place. And if I can't stand up to it to your satisfaction, then... then the hell with it. How dare you? The hell with your Iowa naivete, and the hell with your hero worship and your teddy bear, and while you're at it, the hell with you! Why don't you grow up, for crying out loud? I'm not here for you to admire. I'm here to pull bodies out of a sausage grinder, if possible without going crazy. Period. (Radar begins to cry) Come on, cut it out. Stop it, will ya!? You ninny!

Hawkeye

And she gives so much.

Hawkeye

And from here in Ouijongbou, the sadistic sounds of Doc Winchester and his all-moose orchestra, who ask the musical question, why us!?

Hawkeye

We have an old saying in America: Get out.

Hawkeye

I'll pin my hair under my hat, (points to Bigelow) and you better cut those sideburns.

Hawkeye

Winchester, the only people up in Korea at this hour are snipers and milkmen!

Hawkeye

Beej, I'm ready to face the storm. Secure me to her!

Hawkeye

You have just heard the ponderous words of Doctor Charles Emerson Supercillious, the only surgeon who can operate with one foot lodged in his mouth.