Hawkeye Pierce quotes from M*A*S*H

Hawkeye

But what can you give a man who has everything, including the mumps? - His very own roomie! - So here he is now Charles Emerson Winchester the puffed.

Hawkeye

I think our job might be a little easier than yours, Sidney. At least we can always see where they're bleeding.

Hawkeye

You son of a bitch.

Hawkeye

(answering a letter after operating on a young boy): "Ronnie, it's not a good idea to take the love you had for your brother and turn it into hate. Hate makes war, and war is what killed him. I understand your feelings. Sometimes I hate myself for being here. But once in a while, in the midst of this insanity, a very small event can make my being here seem almost bearable. I'm sorry I don't have an answer for you, Ronnie except to suggest that you look for good wherever you can find it."

Hawkeye

And then this harebrained colonel, whose crew cut I could HEAR, had the nerve to hang up on me. Well, that's when I REALLY told him off.

Hawkeye

Charles is fine, but Klinger has damage to over fifty percent of his body; he broke his nose.

Hawkeye

His gut looks like a jigsaw puzzle and I think a couple of the pieces are missing.

Hawkeye

Maybe I'm allergic to Charles; stuffiness makes me sneeze.

Hawkeye

Eggs? In Korea? Impossible, Korean chickens only lay powder.

Hawkeye

Beej, don't forget, in the morning it's your turn to milk Charles.

Hawkeye

Charles, one of the things I've always liked about our relationship is we never let sympathy get in the way.

Hawkeye

That does it, when this war is over I'm going home.

Hawkeye

This must be the tent that made Milwaukee famous.

Hawkeye

The way I see it, the Army owes us so many coffee breaks, we should get 1954 off.

Hawkeye

Why fight it? I might as well go crazy and be inconspicuous!