This pie tin is worth 25 cents towards one of Aunt Matty's famous sweet potato pies.
Well, if she's so famous, how come I haven't heard of her?
I don't know. Maybe because she doesn't make chicken pies.
S11 E6A Bundy Thanksgiving
Great, Al. Now you can put that metal plate back in your head. Of course, that's like putting a lid on an empty jar.
Or a bra on you.
Ladies and Gentlemen! And Marcy.
S11 E7The Jugs Have Left The Building
This is so low! It says here that you're both six months pregnant by Billy Ray Cyrus!
Really? Well, how come Mom is showing and I'm not?
I AM NOT SHOWING!... and you're grounded.
Calm down, Mom, it's bad for the baby.
Kelly, hello? You're not really pregnant!
Pffeew. Looks like we squeaked by that one, hey, Mom?
S11 E8God Help Ye Merry Bundymen
We have two eager, young boys hanging around us. Do you know what that makes us?
Michael Jackson?
CCustomer
I don't understand why these shoes don't come in a lower heel.
HHal
Oh, they will. Just stand up on them.
S11 E9Crimes Against Obesity
SShirley
Al Bundy, you are charged with Crimes Against Obesity.
[The fat women marches in the shoe store]
FWFat Women
2, 4, 6, 8, Don't make fun of our weight. 2, 4, 6, 8, Don't make fun of our Weight!
[standing up] 1, 2, 3, 4, You're gonna fall through the floor.
Hey, that's our dinner coupons you fat cow.
[The fat women are insulted. A fat woman in a black daisy dress named Gwen confronts Peg.]
GGwen
No. No. No. We.. we don't like to be called FAT!
Then Stay HOME!
[Flashback to where Al was fitting a pair of shoes to a fat woman named Enid]
Are we finished here?
EEnid
Well, I'm not sure I like this shade of blue.
I'll tell you what I'll do then. We'll stand you in front of a mirror, I'll begin strangling you. When you reach the shade of blue that is satisfactory to you, you yell "Moo" and I'll stop.
EEnid
That's it, I'm taking my business elsewhere.
May I suggest Jenny Craig.
[Flashback to the next one a fat girl name Penelope.]
PPenelope
With this attitude, you're gonna be working here for the rest of your life.
Well take a gander in the seat next to you if you want to see what your future looks like.
[Penelope looks at her mother, overweight and offended at Al]
FWFat Woman
Come Penelope, let's go someplace where the treat us with respect.
I'd try the Moon, you'll weigh less there.
[Flashback to a previous encounter between Al and Shirley]
SShirley
Where do you think you're going? Aren't you open?
Sorry ma'am, but unlike your mouth, we occasionally close.
SShirley
I want my money back! These shoes fell apart after only one day and I wanna know why!
Well you see, ma'am, this is a pliant heel with a cork filling...
Whereas you are a giant seal with a pork filling.
SShirley
You haven't heard the last of this! What goes around comes around!
Well judging by your orbit, looks like I have about ten more years.
S11 E10The Stepford Peg
Oh, no! Mom needs to see one of those people who brings you to his office and asks you to take your clothes off.
The principal?
S11 E12Grime And Punishment
IInspector
Mr.Bundy, you had a month to get this place in shape.
You had your whole life to get yourself in shape and you don't see me condeming you.
Oh, Al! It's time for your conjugal visit.
No! No! Help me!
Shut up Al! You're my bitch now!
S11 E18A Babe In Toyland
My Pumpkin is becoming a princess. Gee, if only I could trade my cow for some magic beans.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.